5 Simple Ways To Get On The Same (Sexual) Page As Your Partner

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Love, Sex

Get in sync ...

Online erotic brand Lovehoney found that people tend to settle down with partners who have similar sex drives to their own. In a survey of 2,300 people in Britain, almost two-thirds of women (63 percent) and 54 percent of men said they wanted sex as much as their current partner.

However, there were BIG differences in how couples' sex drives vary during the week.

  • Just over half of men (51 percent) said their sex drive was pretty constant, compared to just 36 percent of women.
  • Almost half of women (47 percent) said their moods determined their sex drive, but this applied to just 34 percent of men.
  • More than two-thirds of women (68 percent) and 63 percent of men had dated someone whose sex drive was different from their own.
  • This caused issues for 44 percent of women but just a third (33 percent) of men.

The survey revealed a staggering difference in the sexes' optimum moment for passion. It found that 78 percent of men and 69 percent of women desire sex most at different times of the day.

Men feel at their friskiest first thing in the morning. More than a quarter (28 percent) most desire sex between 6 AM and 9 AM. Just 11 percent of women feel most passionate at this time. Desire levels for women rise throughout the day and reach their peak between 11 PM and 2 AM.

In short, one is a morning person, and the other a night owl.

It is common knowledge that most couples have sexual drive discrepancy (one wanting sex more than the other). However, what is also a common complaint in my practice is when they want sex. Sex becomes a chore when one's body just wants to sleep!

Now, how do we fix this? Here are five of my suggestions:

1. Prioritize Sleep 

A recent study published in the Journal of Sexual Medicine has found that women who get one more hour of sleep increase their sex drive. A sleepy person is a grumpy person. Since we deal with sleep deprivation differently, we really ought to quit judging, comparing and complaining.

2. Make Time For Sex 

We schedule time for everything else that's important. How about if we get over our disgust for the lack of spontaneity? This is life. We have challenges and things come up. Therefore, we need to make time for what's important, even if it means penciling it down!

3. Adapt And Adjust

Some compromise and negotiation are necessary to adapt and adjust to each other's needs, wants and desires. An example might be sex in the morning this wee, and in the evening next week.

4. Discuss And Discuss

Keep communication channels open. Even when there is no conclusion, effective communication is the one thing that helps when frustration is high and crossed words have entered the conversation.

5. Seek Help 

There is absolutely no need to soldier on and suffer in silence. Often, a trained external party (like myself) can come in and bring illumination to the situation.

Sex is more than sex.

A happy couple who is also sexually happy is made up of stronger individuals.

Dr. Martha Tara Lee is Founder and Clinical Sexologist of Eros Coaching. She is a certified sexologist with a Doctorate in Human Sexuality. For more, email info@eroscoaching.com or follow Dr. Martha Tara Lee on Facebook and Twitter.

This article was originally published at Eros Coaching. Reprinted with permission from the author.