Should We Live Together Before We Get Married?

Madison is an engaged, 21-year-old with three semesters left in college. She currently has a dilemma because her parents think she should wait to get married until she graduates from college, and they also disapprove of couples living together before marriage. She and her fiancé will be completing their final year of college at the same school, and when they are finally in the same city, she doesn't want two sets of temporary living arrangements for practical reasons.

She wonders, "Do we live together for the few months before the wedding even if I haven't graduated yet or should we just get married early?" Madison is clearly trying to figure out a way to keep her parents happy and still do what she wants to do. However, there doesn't seem to be a way to satisfy everybody.

She then adds the complication of wanting to get married in December. She's worried about which December: the one before or the one after she graduates. Living Together Before Marriage: Is It A Good Idea?

To put it bluntly, she knows that in order to please her parents she should go through the inconvenience of living separately for a few months. She doesn't want to do that so she needs to figure out which option will upset her parents the least. She also doesn't want to take responsibility for making a choice that will upset her parents.

It's clear that she and her fiancé will spend a great deal of time together, no matter what their official living arrangements are. Then the question becomes whether to avoid the truth by practicing "don't ask don't tell" with her parents or to simply making a choice and hoping her parents forgive her in the future. Why Marriage Doesn't Always Equal Happily Ever After

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I would encourage Madison to test the waters by talking this over with her parents. They may be more flexible than she thinks they are. I'll bet she has never asked them the reasons they want her to wait to marry until after graduation.

If they're open to such a discussion Madison will have to think about whether their reasons make sense to her. She could also take the opportunity to share the reasons why she wants to do things differently and hear their responses to her points. What Women Wish They'd Known Before Marriage

In a case like this, it's best to look at the possible long-term repercussions of her decision. Research shows that committed couples that live together before they marry have the same odds of being happy as those who wait to live together until after the wedding. So the real long-term problem is their future relationship with her parents.

Discussing the issues thoughtfully now could go a long way toward creating a comfortable, mature connection with her parents both now and in the future.

If you liked this article, you'll LOVE this Meaty Free Special Report on the five important traps every woman must avoid when deciding whether to get married, and how to make the right choice for herself now! It's titled "Should YOU WANT TO Get Married? A Candid Conversation with Laurie Weiss, Ph.D."