3 Traps To Avoid When Talking To Your Man


Pay attention if you want him to listen to you.

2. Complaining. Whether you're upset about his working too late or you simply didn't like the restaurant he chose, complaining says to him, "It's your fault I'm unhappy. You screwed up." He takes it personally, even if your complaint wasn't directly about him. Not the best way to get what you want.

Complaining works, but over time it will shut a man down, creating distance between you. Instead, do something that works far better and keeps a man happy and open to talking: learn to ask for what you want.

For example, if his working late makes you feel neglected, say, "You've been working late so much, and I feel neglected. Can we spend some more time together?" Likewise, if you didn't like the restaurant, suggest a different one next time. Men want to give you what you want — but they want to do it to make you happy, not just to ward off your negativity. 

3. Flooding him. Sometimes, when women get upset with a man, they pour out their feelings in one overwhelming deluge or rattle off multiple points without giving him a chance to consider the words or respond to them. Next thing you know he's shut down, either by going silent or by walking away from the conversation entirely. You've flooded him.

Flooding a man with too much emotion or too many arguments or accusations can overwhelm him, causing him to shut down. As a result, he'll probably be far less likely to talk about important stuff in the future for fear of being flooded again.

When you're upset with a guy, resist the temptation to flood. Instead, focus on one point at a time. State what bothers you in a calm, non-blaming way and patiently let him have his say without interrupting or overreacting. Not easy when you're really upset, but when you see how much better it works, you'll never go back to flooding.

If you want a man to talk to you, listen to you and take things that bother you seriously, avoid doing things that will shut him down. Instead, share your feelings in a way that makes him feel respected and appreciated.