By drtrinaread — Written on May 27, 2010
Question: My new boyfriend doesn’t like to give oral sex. I’m not satisfied without it but I don’t want to pressure him to do something he doesn’t want. How do I handle this?
Answer: I would bet that he either doesn’t feel very confident in his oral sex ability or he had a bad experience that turned him off giving oral sex. You need to have a conversation with him—outside the bedroom—to discover if it is either.
Find out if he was given negative feedback by a past partner. Or if he is turned off by the smell, taste or the bushel of hair. (Unfortunately, if this is a cultural thing--some cultures just don't think it's right--then you're probably fighting a losing battle.)
When you hear his concerns, don’t judge and don’t get upset. If you do, it will only make him feel worse about the situation. Then tell him gently that oral sex is something very important to your sexual enjoyment. Together figure out how you can work around what he has told you.
Next you need to show him what you like and make sure that teaching him is a fun experience. When things start heating up in the bedroom, show and tell him what you want.
Remember: men need specific, succinct and direct language in order to understand what you’re saying.
Great Sex Tip: Don’t know where to start? Show him while performing oral sex on him—yes, the penis and vulva are very different however, it’s probably your easiest way to demonstrate. And very fun to boot.
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