How To Find Your Mate


If you will, consider this my 'laws of attraction,' because for me they made all the difference

I’ll admit it, I’m a romantic. Not a hopeless one, but a hopeful one.  I love love. Thankfully, I have love in my life, though I remember the time when this was not so. In this post, I’d like to help you find your intimate relationship partner, by sharing something about how I found mine.  If you will, consider this my own ‘Laws of Attraction,’ because it made all the difference for me. It just might make the difference for you.

A long time ago, you might have described me as lonely and weary. I was a divorced single parent, raising my daughter while managing a busy practice and a budding speaking career.  I wanted my daughter to have a female role model in the house.  And I didn't want to go through the rest of my life as a single man.  I tried dating.  And eventually after too many starts and stops, I had grown weary of dating, weary of disappointment, weary of trying, weary of my weariness. And that’s when two pieces of great advice came my way, advice that changed everything.

The first piece of advice came from my Aunt Ray when I was speaking near her town in Georgia.  She met me in the hotel bar following an evening speech.  She asked if I had anyone special in my life now that I was divorced.  And while the bartender poured our drinks, I poured out my despair.

”I just don’t think it’s in the stars for me Ray. I’ve been trying for too long, I’m not getting any younger, and all the failed efforts at finding someone to spend my life with just hurt like heck when they fail.  I guess it's my destiny to be alone.”

Ray nodded sympathetically, then smiled a gentle smile and said these words with such certainty that they sailed past my fear: “Honey. Every pot has a lid.”

When I left the bar and went back to my room, her words hung in my heart like a banner.  Because it certainly seemed to me to be true, and still does.  Look around and you'll see the most interesting pairings of people.  There does appear to be someone for everyone, regardless of shape, size, intelligence, attractiveness, or any of the other ways we distinguish between people. I began repeating her words to myself daily, and relaxed about the search.  

And not long after, the second piece of advice came my way.

It came from the woman who cut my hair, shortly after I’d had the next bad end to what had seemed like a promising relationship. After asking if I was interested in hearing her insight on the subject (I was), here's what she told me. 

“I suggest that from now on, before you proceed down the attraction road, find out if you like that attractive woman AS A PERSON! Is she someone you would want to know regardless of gender or attractiveness? Do you like her values? Her heart? If you get a YES on those things, then attractiveness can seal the deal!”

And you know what? Every pot must have a lid, because I sure found mine. She’s a beauty. And it’s her inner beauty, values and core strength as a person that I find most attractive and desirable.

So two lessons.

1. Every pot has a lid. There’s someone that’s just right for you.

2. Find someone who you find attractive as a person before trying to choose a life partner based on physical attraction or shared interests alone. 

I wish you well,


P.S. Pictures of my life can be found on my personal web site, or by following me on Facebook (If you want to friend me, please tell me how you found me!)