When Sex Hits the Spot


The real "spot" of great sex resides in the heart and spirit.

What does it mean – for something to hit the spot? Makes sense in the game of darts, landing from a parachute jump and an archery competition. But can we apply it to good or even great sex? We think so. Know so. Sex that’s satisfying soothes, makes us feel warm, tingles and pulsates and yes, hits the spot. But what exactly is that spot?

We're not talking about the invisible "G" spot in a woman's vagina, the dark nipple at the end of her breasts or nerve endings that surround the shaft of a man's penis.  All helpful spots to know about.  It's a little more complicated, invisible and yet amazingly important.

The real "spot" of great sex resides in the heart and spirit where nerves of the soul wait to be caressed — by lovers who carefully tend to this kind of pleasure.  Warm, lasting pleasure that comes from the right touch, the best intent to love fully and the skill to bring vibrant orgasms in the brain, as well as the body.  Orgasms of the heart you might say.  Sound too lofty?  No way.  Essential — like oxygen that feeds the lungs.  Here are some ingredients of sex that bring true conviction that your mate is the "love of your life."  That sex with, and only with them, can truly "hit the spot."

1. Love your partner with a contagious vulnerability.  Model extreme transparency.  Look into your lover's eyes and say "You are everything to me" as you stare into his or her soul.  With your (her) legs apart and your (his) body in hers, let your eyes speak kindness, tenderness and a boldness that says "We're safe in each other’s arms — forever."  Find ways to let her know that being inside her is a special gift she alone brings your way.  Let him know you feel his power as an umbrella of safety and your care is reserved only for him.

2. Cuddle like you'll never let go.  Enjoy the simple embrace that speaks of two lovers merging with heart and body.  Lose yourself in the being of your mate.  Hold her, hold him, while you breathe together and lightly kiss each other’s face and lips.  Tell each other, with words, sighs and nuzzling, what it means to be in love and cherish your lover's heart and soul.  Tell your partner, for example, how important they are in your life, like "I love you and you mean everything to me" or "Can't imagine life without you."

3. Create a "that hit the spot" language.  What you say to one another, with intense vulnerability and care, only the two of you share together.  Make it special and praise-filled.  Practice words and phrases that convey vibrant, colorful love.  Use these words in and out of the bedroom.

4. Name your bed.  One couple we found recently named their bed the "biscuit."  Another the "love rocket" — no kidding!  Remember that being naked and erotic with your lover is special, takes place in special places and is reserved for the two of you.  Sacred. Ultimately, that special place resides in your spirit, a repository of great memories where you not only rip off your clothes but tear down walls that get in the way of loving each other completely.  Give your bed the name it deserves!

So love that hits the spot means attending to the depths of spirit and soul.  Not just our bodies.  Great sex with your soul mate feeds and nourishes connection.  It is generated intentionally by vulnerability and openness and extreme care for the well-being of your lover.  Continue in your journey together to create passionate, heart stopping connection in bed.  List other ways you can develop closeness and excitement in each other’s arms.  Aim for sex that hits the spot because it grows love, breeds commitment and embellishes passion.

Anyone can "get laid."

Not everyone knows the magic of sex that hits the spot.

Be a couple who does!

More sex advice from YourTango:

This article was originally published at . Reprinted with permission from the author.