During Divorce: Act Rationally, Not Emotionally

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Take out your aggression on the treadmill, not in the courtroom.

Going through a divorce is no time to be thinking with your heart. Yep, your heart is bruised and battered and you feel disillusioned by everything that's unfolded. Perhaps you feel like you were run over by a truck. Still, you have to think with your head.

When you make decisions based on emotion, you dig yourself in deeper. Believe it or not, what you want to do is evolve through your divorce, not sink into emotional oblivion. It's also not the time to question why you married him or her in the first place; those are emotional thoughts ... and redundant ones at that. It doesn't matter why you got married. What matters is what's going to happen now that the marriage is dissolving. You should focus on moving forward with your life.

Now and then, give yourself permission to swear, scream, yell and vent. Get a journal, write it down. Get it out and parked. Venting to a lawyer will only cost you money. Take A Deep Breath: 3 Ways To Help You Stop Worrying

When I was going through my divorce, I got a particularly aggravating email late one evening. (And no, I won't answer why I was checking my email late in the evening.) I got so tense, so angry, I knew I had to work off some steam so instead of putting my fist through the wall. I started running up and down the stairs to burn steam. My son asked curiously, "Mom ... what are you doing?" to which I replied "I'm running up and down the stairs to work off my aggravation." He laughed and said "Have I ever told you you're weird?" "Nope," I replied. The laughter we shared was the best medicine of all. And because I had such special people in my life, it was a hell I didn't have to focus on all the time. I could appreciate the rest of my life, too.

Acknowledge your emotions and deal with them, yes, but don't let them take over. Park them in exercise, a great support system or laughter, but park them in a good zone.

The person sitting across the table or courtroom from you isn't going to be thinking about or speaking to the best in you. That person and his/her attorney will be banking on the worst. Surprise them by parking your emotions and not allowing them to push your buttons. The angrier and more emotional you get, the deeper you'll sink. My motto is "I will not give my personal power away to someone I least respect at that moment in time." When you react emotionally, that's exactly what you do. You lose control of your future and hand it over to the very person you're divorcing. Is that what you want?

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So, now's the time. Park those emotions so you can move on with your life.