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Should you do it or hold off?
By Dr. Diana Kirschner — Written on Mar 30, 2020
Are you wondering if you should have sex on the third date or risk losing the guy?
Maybe you've heard dating tips and sex tips for women that say it’s either "fish or cut bait" at that point — and that he will definitely walk away if you don’t put out.
But that's an urban legend that's just not true — after only three dates, you still have no clue as to who this other person is.
There is no way to know whether this guy is into you or not. Or if he is a player. Or if he actually will respect you and want you more if you hold off on having sex for longer than three dates!
Having sex on the third date may actually be self-sabotaging for your new relationship.
Sex hormones can cloud logical thought.
Sex drives up levels of the hormone oxytocin which creates a strong biological attachment.
Oxytocin has been called the cuddle, bonding, or "tend-and-befriend" hormone. Throughout the whole sexual act, you will experience increases in this hormone.
This means that your body may start the attachment process with almost anyone you bed, whether or not you know if you like them, if they are the kind of partner you want, or whether they want to be in a relationship with you.
In addition, rushing into an intimate relationship can cause the release of dopamine, which is the infatuation biochemical.
This means your body may organize you to feel like you are wildly in love, even if this person is not someone who will be the kind of partner you truly want.
It’s the number-one mistake women make when dating.
How do you know when to have sex when dating?
Has anyone figured out how long to wait to have sex in a relationship?
Here's the bottom line: Until you get to really know someone, it’s not manipulative if you choose to hold off on sex.
This is true for both men and women who are interested in learning how to date and forming a long-term relationship. It is not some kind of secret agenda that you have to hide.
Instead, it has to do with being clear about one’s relationship goals. And finding someone who is truly compatible and shares a similar vision to yours.
By first casually dating a few guys and not having sex with any of them, you'll have great success in finding your soulmate and creating true love in committed, healthy relationships.
At the outset of dating, a little kissing and canoodling are okay until you meet the right one, even if your (or they) want to wait to have sex.
When you follow this dating advice, you're more likely to find "the one." And then you will have the juicy, true love connection that is not only passionate but feeds your soul, too.
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Dr. Diana Kirschner is a master dating coach. For more dating and relationship tips, sign up for her 3 free Empowering Love Trainings and support her acclaimed newsletter. And if you really feel stuck in your love life, take advantage of a free session by phone or Skype with one of her expert Love Mentor coaches.
This article was originally published at Love In 90 Days. Reprinted with permission from the author.