Parent from Love, Not Fear

Self, Family

A family counselor gives parenting tips to use right now to improve your parent-child relationship.

Stress Is Not a Calming Interaction

We are a stress based and child-development illiterate society. We don't even fully understand our own adult stress. As adults, we are able to ignore and deny our bodily sensations and emotions. Because we are able to get through our day and accomplish our survival needs, we seem to think we don't get stressed. That is, until late at night when we wonder why our shoulders are so tense and tight that we can't sleep, and we need something to relax us.

A stressed out parent cannot calm a stressed out child. Parenting from a position of fear rather than a position of love can cause life-long repercussions. Learn to control your stress. 

The Parent Non-Blame Zone

I am well aware that what I have learned, practice and teach is a paradigm shift. It is not what I grew up with, but wish I did. That said, I am also aware that my clients, like all parents, do the best they can with what they know.

By the time parents find me they have usually spent years struggling with their child's acting out or bad behavior. They and the child or children are stressed out. Their confidence in their abilities to parent has declined and they are frustrated and in distress.

My coaching techniques help parents to:

• Enter a non-blaming zone. No matter how hard we try, sometimes our best effort just doesn't hit the mark. However, that doesn't mean we need verbal spankings or to be made to feel guilty by others or ourselves. The past is the past, and we are starting fresh from this point.

• Accept where we are and move forward. The parenting process is a journey. When parents understand how they are currently parenting, can listen to what I have to offer, and, then, begin to operate from that perspective, life will get better.

• Know that someone is listening. My response to any parent who is seeking to improve his or her skills is unconditional positive regard. It takes a lot for us to be willing to say, "I could be better at this." For that, I offer reassurance and compassion about our struggles to be good parents to our child or children.

• Feel validated. We all have fears and frustrations in our parenting journey. I offer validation of those feelings, but above that, I offer each parent client the education and tools that we need to build those developmentally-friendly parenting practices. I support parents in whatever way and for however long is needed.

Through parent coaching we learn and grow, both as individuals and as parents. Learning to parent from a position of love, rather than fear or stress, can bring a new level of confidence in the power of our own self-growth and how that impacts our children and our parent/child relationships. Keep reading...

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This article was originally published at . Reprinted with permission from the author.