Guide to Becoming a Soulfull Woman Understand Your Beliefs


Once you understand where your beliefs about yourself came from, you determine what's really YOU

“To thine own self be true”

Last month, we discussed how the world around us affected our beliefs about ourselves. We heard and saw what culture, society, family, friends, authority figures, and the media had to say about us and we believed it.

As we work toward being the S-o-u-l-f-u-l-l Woman that we want to be, we need to work towards upgrading our beliefs about ourselves.

If you completed the exercise  to identify what others told you about yourself, you’re ready to move forward in claiming what YOU believe about yourself. You are ready to understand that, whatever we have done, we couldn’t have done it any differently.

Can we change?

We need to accept that we have been brainwashed. The good news is we can, through willingness, some effort and consistency, make shifts in our awareness that will lead us to a better place.

You don’t have to leave your family, quit your job, turn your back on your religion or dump your present lover. What you do is your choice. But it needs to be that: your choice. How do you know what is your choice if you have blindly followed someone else’s script for your life?

Being vs. doing

What most of us were brainwashed to believe has very little to do with our being. We mostly learned what we had to do to keep other people “happy.” We learned what we should do and what we shouldn’t do. We took it all in and labeled it with our name, at the expense of our own needs.

After doing this over months and years, we unquestioningly lived from these beliefs. But we forgot one important thing: these ideas weren’t ours originally.

Research over the last 50 years or so has shown us how our brains get programmed and that we need to adjust our thinking from time to time. We upgrade our computers, but we don’t think about doing upgrading our own beliefs.

This is an inside job

That is where I like to take people: into their within. On this journey, you will find many things. You may bump up against your fears of not being good enough, or smart enough, or thin enough, or rich enough. You will also find success stories that you have hidden within yourself. You don’t have to have had an abusive childhood or traumatic life experiences to hide parts of yourself from yourself.

So what does this have to do with understanding you could only do what you’ve done? That you couldn’t have done it any differently?

Our present lives are reflections of our beliefs. As part of humanity these “internal programs” operate in the background of our awareness. We set out to do x and y happens. What was I thinking? How could I have done that? We don’t understand the choices we made.

Now that you have a better idea of how so many of your beliefs about yourself weren’t your own, I hope you have a better understanding of how you may have made decisions or behaved in ways that, in retrospect, seem so foreign, so ugly, so hurtful, or so embarrassing. What we believe, whether we know it or not, drives our behaviors.

Use your power for good

As I have become a belief detective, I’ve discovered how my own beliefs have affected what I believed I deserved, what I could have, what I couldn’t have, etc. The most powerful thing I’ve learned is that my unknown beliefs are what have kept me from living the life I wanted for so long.

Once we discover those beliefs, we can “de-create” them and create new healthier beliefs – upgrade our thinking. By doing so, we allow ourselves to choose for ourselves.

Look at that list you made. Which of those items on the list do you perceive as true about yourself? What do you believe about yourself that isn’t on the list? Add it now. Mark through what you don’t believe.

As you become a belief detective, you can learn what beliefs serve your best life and what beliefs don’t.  You’ll be more in charge of yourself and less trying to control what you can’t in others. With eyes wide open to how beliefs show up, you can focus more on self-care that will lead to a more balanced other-care.

Good hunting, belief detective.


Source: “To thine own self be true,” Hamlet, Act I, Scene 3




Soulfull Woman Deborah Chelette-Wilson is a Licensed Professional Counselor, speaker and life coach who has helped many women find that elusive “something missing” in their lives. Are you ready to step onto the path that leads to a fulfilling and enriching life? Sign up to receive Deborah's newsletter, Discovering Your Heart and Soul, to get started on your own personal journey to awaken a more authentic and soulfull You.