Watching pornography can be considered cheating in your marriage


As a clinical sexologist and relationship counselor I have been asked on many occasions by people if I perceived that watching pornography while being in a relationship is considered cheating.

My answer is based on how we define the word “cheating”.  As a counselor I have seen all too many relationships destroyed by lack of open honest communication between husband and wife.  The definition that I feel is appropriate to use as cheating would be “too cheat your spouse out of having a sexual relationship with you” In the physical sense of a man watching pornorgary, is he cheating with another person the answer is no.  If a man watches pornography and still has a wonderful sex life with his wife and she is aware of him watching pornography, than again the answer is no.  If the couple enjoys watching pornography together again my answer would be no.

So when does watching pornography become cheating in a relationship?

The moment when it becomes cheating, is when a person cheats the other person out of the sexual intimacy in the relationship.  A classic example would be a wife that longs to be sexually intimate with her husband, but instead he has turned to watched pornography instead of being with her.  Anything that takes away from the sexual intimacy in a marriage cheats the other person out of that intimacy.    The base of the problem between the couple is not actually the pornoghy but the fact that the relationship has gotten to the point where watching a clip of two people having sex is better than having real sex with a spouse.  This is a complete breakdown in the intimacy of the marriage.  What brought on this situation to begin with is what needs to be address, so that the couple can fix the relationship.

Pornography itself is not the culprit but the lack of communication between the couple that brought them to the point to begin with.  The sad fact that one spouse would rather be intimate with the movie rather than with an actual person.

The basic premise of most marriage starts out with sex being exciting and fun, then it can become routine and even boring at times.  Other times in a relationship, there can be other stressor involved, such as children, finances, sickness, or lack of communication, anger, rejection.  All of these problems if left unresolved can be the driving force for a man to turn to pornorgay instead of his wife.  As, for most women, they will usually turn to another man before they turn to pornography.

How to stop these events from happening in the marriage is to understand that the marriage itself has to be taken as seriously as every other aspect in life.  The marriage cannot sustain itself without two people working on it.  Couples must realize that marriage is an intuition, a working relationship, a partnership, and the sex in the marriage is a huge part of that. 

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This article was originally published at . Reprinted with permission from the author.