How Soon Should You Jump Into Bed?

Love, Sex

Is it better to delay having sex in a relationship? Or should you just dive right into the pool?

Question: My question is this…how long do you wait to sleep with a man…one month, two months, more?  Since my eventual goal is to be married, how do I know that the man I’m dating sees me in his future and not just as a  nine-month, ten-month, or even one-night stand?  ...Camille

Answer: While this issue vexes many women, the unpopular truth is that there is really no perfect amount of time to wait before you sleep with a man.  Here's why:

1) For the most part, whoever you are dating wants to sleep with you as soon as possible.

2) Until he sleeps with you, he'll likely say and do whatever he believes is necessary to get you into bed.

3) Because you will not be getting to know the real him, just the "him" he wants to let you see, waiting isn't really all that beneficial.

4) The more time you spend with him, the more emotionally invested you’ll probably become, so when you finally DO sleep with him, if things don't work out, your hurt will be even greater.

On the other hand, it is never a good idea to do anything because you feel pressured.  Sleep with him as soon as it feels comfortable to you, keeping in mind items 1 - 4 above.  Sleeping with someone for the first time requires a leap of faith.  Don't be afraid to make the move, just always "look before you leap."

As far as guaranteeing that the relationship will continue after you have sex, that is virtually impossible.  But if he enjoys you both in and out of bed, chances are good that he'll be open to further examine the possibilities of a long-term relationship and perhaps marriage.

One word of caution: Unless all you're looking for is recreational sex (which certainly doesn't seem to be the case), beware of the "booty call."  If your guy doesn't make plans with you, or only gets together with you spontaneously or late at night, regardless of what he says, he probably perceives you as nothing more than a booty call.  And generally speaking, booty calls don't turn into relationships.  They just remain booty calls.  So that's one call you may prefer not to answer.

© 2009 David M. Matthews.  All Rights Reserved.

Besides being a relationship coach and author of the controversial book, "Every Man Sees You Naked: An Insider's Guide to How Men Think," David M. Matthews is an Emmy-winning TV Writer/Producer who's worked on some of television's best shows.

For more information on David or to get a copy of his free report on "The 3 Things Men Are REALLY Looking For In A Relationship," go to

This article was originally published at . Reprinted with permission from the author.