Going Beyond Need And Into Intimacy

Love, Self

What Intimacy Could You Enjoy if You Had No Needs?

Have you noticed that there are certain things you ask for in life that show up really quickly? And other times they don’t show up nearly as fast?

Have you ever noticed that many, if not most of the things that aren’t showing up easily are the things you are really vested in having and decided you really, really need?

I have personally been in relationships when I had a need and desire for my partner to love me more, care for me more and gift to me more and it just wasn’t happening; and no matter what I did - talking, counselling, trying anything and everything – the only thing that changed it was when I got over the need.  Once I didn’t have the need of them giving me all these things, suddenly they would come to me and provide what I had thought I needed, and I could receive and enjoy what they chose to gift me with total gratitude.

Whether it’s the need of money, the need of finding the perfect relationship or career, or the need of our partner or family member loving us more, understanding us more, or caring for us more; what if going beyond the need could invite something different in our lives?

How do you begin to do this?

One thing I have found over and over again is that truly the only times you have a sense of need is when you are not providing it to yourself. And that often the moment you are willing to provide it for yourself, that thing that you thought you needed and finally let go of, actually shows up!

How many times in life have you had the idea that you need a certain kind of relationship?  And then one day, after looking and looking and being unable to find what you are looking for, you go, “You know what? I am done looking for a relationship! I don’t need one. I am done caring about whether I have one or not, I am just going to live my life and enjoy it!”  and then, 3 days later, or 3 minutes later, someone shows up saying, “I am ready to be in relationship with you,” with everything you have ever asked for?

When we are willing to step beyond the idea that we need of anything or anyone, it is actually the beginning of inviting a level of intimacy into our lives that has not existed before.

Most times, when people talk about intimacy, they are talking about sex or close relationships. But the kind of intimacy I am inviting you to explore here isn’t about sex at all – it is about presence with you.  It is about caring for you, kindness for you and a generosity towards you, that when you are willing to have that for you, will allow you to be that with others, no matter what level of the relationship is.  

What if you were willing to open the door to a level of intimacy with you that allows you to have a different possibility beyond need – whether it’s the need for approval, love, or even the need to withdraw or put up barriers when people are unkind to you?

Start asking yourself this question daily:  If I were truly needless right now, what would be different in my life?

When you begin to recognize that the needs you thought you had don’t actually have to be there anymore, you can then create everything you would like to choose.

If you were willing to be needless, how much more fun could you have? What could show up in your life that hasn’t shown up before?

About Dr. Dain Heer

A Doctor of Chiropractic, born and raised in California, USA, Dain Heer hosts a regular radio show entitled Conversations in Consciousness on Voice of America. He has been a guest on hundreds of nationally syndicated radio shows and has also appeared on several TV shows including ‘Fox News’, ‘Good Morning’ Shows in New Zealand, Australia and Canada and on Gaiam TV.

Dain Heer is the author of nine books on the topics of embodiment, healing, money and relationships.  His book, “Being You, Changing the World” is now an international best seller. It was published in June 2011 and has been translated into Swedish, German, Spanish, Italian, Estonian and Japanese.

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Dain also has a new online video course called “Getting Out of Need and Into Intimacy.” Find out more information by visiting https://dr-dain-heer.mykajabi.com/store

This article was originally published at Dr Dain Heer's blog. Reprinted with permission from the author.