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What's the real reason you turn to porn?
By Compulsion Solutions — Last updated on Apr 16, 2023
Even though sexual addictions such as porn addiction are becoming more and more accepted as real problems and not just convenient excuses for lascivious behavior, people suffering from them still feel massive amounts of shame.
That shame around a porn habit often fuels compulsive sexual needs and stands in the way of a person getting pornography addiction help.
Shame is at the core of recovering from a porn addiction — treatment addresses both the shame driving the addiction as well as the shame of having the addiction.
So what if I look at porn? Everyone does!
Of all search engine requests, 25 percent are porn-related. At any given second, 28,000 users are watching porn online, and 75 percent of people who have used the internet have accidentally viewed a pornographic image or video.
It’s perfectly clear — people like porn.
But not all of these pornography viewers are addicted to sex or need porn addiction therapy. But some do and the proliferation of porn addiction recovery programs like Neulia's attests to the fact that this is a very real problem for many people.
Because porn use is so widespread, many men deny that they have a problem: “Every guy I know looks at porn,” or “I can stop anytime I want.” “Just because I like sex, doesn’t mean I’m a sex addict.”
For some men, that all may be true. For others, the truth is that men with a true sexual addiction can’t stop. Their addiction interferes with their relationships, marriages, sexual performance and jobs.
What stops many men from seeking pornography addiction help is the shame of using porn as well as the shame of being unable to stop by themselves.
The reality is that most men with a porn addiction issue need outside help.
The blame and shame game
Lots of guys addicted to porn blame other people or situations in their lives: “I have a tough job with a lot of stress and need to let off steam.” “If my wife or girlfriend wanted more sex, maybe I wouldn’t need to look at porn.” “The porn sites have me hooked, so I keep coming back for more.”
Reality check — if pornography is interfering with your life, no one else is to blame but you.
The first step toward porn addiction recovery is to take responsibility for your own actions. Blaming others is simply a diversion from the shame a porn addict feels.
Porn addicts use sexy videos and images (and subsequent physical release through masturbation) to cope with uncomfortable feelings such as inadequacy, loneliness, boredom, and shame. After porn use, shame sets in, the cycle starts all over again, and the individual uses porn again and again.
This cycle is extremely difficult to stop by yourself. Before they even realize it, many men become addicted.
How to end a porn addiction
Stopping a porn addiction typically involves first recognizing that you can’t fix this on your own. Admitting that uncomfortable truth opens the door to seeking porn addiction recovery.
Once you acknowledge that you need porn addiction treatment and you seek that help, you can learn techniques to break the cycle of your compulsive behaviors. As you do that, you can begin to deal with the underlying shame.
Many men who go through porn addiction recovery programs see their lives change in ways that lead to improved intimate relationships, increased job accomplishments, and eventual freedom from the debilitating effects of living with shame.
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George Collins is the founder and director of Compulsion Solutions. An acknowledged national expert on sex addiction and porn addiction, George knows sex addiction firsthand.
This article was originally published at Neulia Compulsion Solutions. Reprinted with permission from the author.