Mirror Mirror on The Wall


Feeling distant from your partner this Valentine's Day? Here is exactly what to do to get closer.

“I remember picking myself up off the floor....I could taste the blood running into my mouth....I’d never been hit before--I was shocked, humiliated and very scared.”

So many years ago and yet even now, it chills me to read those words.

You might think that it chills me because being assaulted so violently forever marked my soul, but you would be wrong.  What chills me is that I was so deaf and blind to my own guidance and found myself within 100 miles of such violence.

These days I can truly say that my old life is a far distant memory and my life with Marc restores my belief in Real Love every day.  Marrying later than typical, I was forever living out the circular route that kept me attracting men who disrespected me.  

The dark contrast of a life controlled by fear and pain ultimately led to my new life and now inspires me to help you.  Yes, I am with a man who respects me, my gifts, talents and uniqueness but that didn’t happen on accident.

In my best selling book, The Map: Finding the Magic and Meaning in Your Life, I lead you step by step in the self discovery that will change your life, but for now, let me share with you a resource that was critical to me finding and marrying my soulmate, Marc.

Somewhere in the haze of my crazy years, I came across the work of Dr. Harville Hendrix.  Many of you have heard me teach his principles over the years.  Married, single or some where in between, Dr. Hendrix’s explanation of the whys and wherefores of emotional intimacy will help you make sense of your relationship history.

Of course, if you have a history like mine, you will no doubt be a work in progress for years but don’t let that panic you.  Being a work in progress with a Map is a thousand times easier than being stuck looking at your partner and blaming him or her for your misery.

This article is part of a three part series on the Intentional Dialogue Process created by Dr. Hendrix.  


I have known for years about a profoundly powerful technique called Mirroring.  While I left how it worked to Spirit and simply enjoyed the results, these days science is proving why these tools work.  Imagine my surprise when I found out that there are actual cells in your brain that are called “Mirror Neurons”.  

These specialized nerve cells stimulate mirroring of behavior. I am excited about how science is proving the existence of other sensory intelligence, even though us Spiritual types have known the Truth for years.  

Considering our biological needs, mirror neurons are critical to survival.  Ancient man had to run for cover or freeze in place.  The mirror neurons would have created the monkey see monkey do that would have led all to safety.  Really rather ingenious.

The Mirroring Technique allows you to reflect to your partner what you heard them say.  Easy enough, right?  Think again.  In order to to access the magic of the mirror, you have to commit to leaving out any opinion, judgment, rationalizing or distortion.  Why is this a challenge?

Back to your mirror neurons.  Remember this is an instinct.  Instincts operate separate from the intellect.  If your partner is upset, you will also feel upset at some level...your are hard wired to do so.  

When you commit to mirroring for nurturing intimacy, you will learn to recognize your own discomfort, step beyond it and for the sake of your relationship, mirror back exactly what your partner has said.

For example,  Marcy and Ken are having in-law difficulties:

Version 1:

Marcy:  I can’t stand the way your sister compares herself to me all the time.  She is nosey and always in my business.

Ken:  She doesn’t mean it, she is just overwhelmed right now with her divorce and those kids.

Marcy:  You always take her side. She is so rude to me.

Ken:  You blame her for everything.  Then you tell me about it and I don’t know what you expect me to do.

Marcy:  You never listen to me.

Version 2: (Little does Marcy know that Ken, not his real name,  had contacted me and I referred him to Dr. Hendrix book)

Marcy:  I can’t stand the way your sister compares herself to me all the time.  She is nosey and always in my business.

Ken:  I hear you saying that the way my sister speaks to you is really annoying.

Marcy:  Uh, yeah, that’s right.  You never understand.  You always take her side and never stand up for me.  I am so frustrated.

Ken:  So you feel like I don’t understand you and that I always take her side.  I hear the frustration in your voice.  I bet you feel alone a lot of the time. (You can see that Ken is starting to feel even more of Marcy’s pain.  His Spirit has inspired him with supportive statements.)

Marcy:  Who are you and what did you do with Ken?  Yes, I do feel alone and sad. My family lives so far away.

Ken:  (Full of ideas and suggestions bites his tongue and keeps mirroring)  You feel alone and sad and with your family so far away, my sisters immaturity really bugs you.  Your own sister doesn’t treat you like that and I bet you really miss her.

Marcy:  Yep, it’s true.  I do miss her.  I hoped your sister and I would be close and I am really disappointed and sad that we are not.

Ken:  I love you Marce

Marcy:  Me too.

Next time you feel resistance with anyone, remember your mirror neurons are picking the other person's upset.  Take a breath and practice mirroring.  You will be too amazed!

Ever wondered if YOU could be a Master Intuitive Coach?  Do you want to use the Map to coach your clients?  For the latest information about the Master Intuitive Coach® Institute- an integrative coaching system that offers students a unique and satisfying holistic experience helping others achieve their dreams while creating their own, click here:  http://masterintuitivecoachinstitute.com