Divorce: It Doesn't Have To Be Upstream


If you are in the process of divorcing or are recently divorced, please know that you are not alone. The feelings and thoughts you are having are typical, universal, and even healthy – as long as you process them in a healthy manner. Fear, denial, guilt, failure, self-doubt, anger, low self-esteem, sadness, anxiety may all be present. Divorcing a spouse is often an emotionally-charged transition, a life change replete with mental, physical, emotional, even spiritual hurdles. Re-entry into the work force, raising children, relocation, and so on can contribute to the stressors involved. The key is not to become mired in fear, sadness, and anxiety, but to remember that with the Law of Attraction, what we focus on grows.

How do you work with this? Start by making a list of what you do not want as you go thru the divorce. Take a blank piece of paper. Draw a line down the middle. At the top of the left-hand column, write the label, “What I do not want.” Now, on the right-hand side, write “What I do want.” Write the ‘do want’ list in the present tense, akin to positive affirmations.

The reasons for divorce may seem myriad but, oddly, tend to result from a handful of themes and/or conflicts: Money, lack of communication, infidelity, growing apart/growing differently, changing priorities or goals, inability to think, collaborate, work as a team, sexual incompatibility, abuse or addiction, lack of commitment to the marriage, distance – physical or emotional, failure to respectfully resolve conflicts, mental illness, different belief systems or life goals, immaturity, feeling misunderstood, intellectual compatibility, an inability to let go of the ‘small stuff” and focus on the greatness of the whole. These may be some of your “What I do not want” items. Again, remember that where we place our focus, we get more of. Each time you get a doubtful thought or a fearful thought creeps in, ask yourself: what is the exact opposite of this fear/worry? Reach for those thoughts and feeeeeel your energy shift – even if only a miniscule bit.

If you relax and pay attention to your feelings, you will notice whether it feels like you are swimming upstream against the current or whether you are drifting gently downstream with the flow of the river. Instead of struggling, go with the flow of the river. How do you know when you are going with the flow? By paying attention to your feelings. If you are going against the flow, it does not feel as good; swimming upstream fighting the current brings tension, angst, hurdles – it does not feel good. You may have tried counseling with your soon-to-be ex. It may have felt good for a time, may have given you both a sense of optimism. Still, now you are at this point, perhaps reached an impasse, and are going through a divorce. What brings more feelings of relief? What brings more feelings of tension? If you listen to your feelings and emotions, they will tell you if you are in the flow.

Pay attention, also, to your gut instincts; if you are moved to take action in some way, see how it feels. If it feels good, warm, exciting, if you feel relief, etc., do not question your gut instinct nor hesitate. As long as you are feeling warm and fuzzy, more alive, more joy, more passion, you are going with the flow. In the ‘river of wellbeing’, everything you want is downstream. When you get into the feeling of relief – even a tiny bit of it in the moment, you know you are going with the flow. It is not “Row, row, row… up the stream’; it is flow, flow, flow gently down the stream. You don’t even have to use your oars. In fact, drop them: the Universe will point you in the right direction, flowing easily down the river of wellbeing and taking you to where you want to be. The better you feel, the more desire you have, the stronger the current that takes you there.

By now, you also have a list of what you do want. Review those items. Hear are a few examples to get you started:

• I know I have done my best and feel good about myself; the hardest part is done.

• I am patient with myself.

• I make my own financial decisions.

• I enjoy knowing that I now make my own schedule, for myself.

• I put myself first, and also remember to give and share with others.

• I now seek mutually beneficial relationships with others who are on my level - emotionally, spiritually, intellectually.

• I spend time with optimistic people who support my goals and dreams.

• I am proud to be ‘me’ and take pride in my appearance.

• I now choose my reactions – and I choose to view this transition as a clean slate, a new page.

• I pamper myself, without feeling guilty for not pampering him/her first.

• I eat when I want and eat what I want.

• I now take action instead of ‘planning for someday.’

• I have the time to begin that diet, exercise regimen, health plan.

• My children enjoy the best of both worlds – quality time with me, quality time with their father.

• I now have the free time to pursue that hobby, class, job, promotion and enjoy activities of my own choosing.

• Without the tension, my ex and I can choose to begin a mutually respectful friendship.

• I choose to let go of the ‘small stuff’; the world is my oyster.

• I now focus on qualities I seek, share, and enjoy to share in my next relationship.

• I am the master of my own destiny and it feels great!

How does that list make you feel? What would it be like to be, do or have these things? Reach for the thoughts that feel better, such as “I know others who’ve gone through a divorce like this and landed on their feet. They’ve gone on to enjoy successful, happy, thriving relationships – and I deserve all that and more.” Place your focus on what you want.

Keeping the flow of the river in mind, be easy on yourself while consciously, intentionally, and deliberately noting what is positive in your life right now. What you are appreciative of and grateful for… and, also, what next great adventure is your life leading you towards? Now is the time to look forward, to pivot away from any anxiety and worry about the worst that can happen -- and to use the Law of Attraction deliberately to soothe your energy and speed you towards your goals and happiness. Focus on what you want and why you want it…for you, for your children, (heck, even for your soon-to-be ex!). Repeat your “do want” list as you would positive affirmations because, in fact, that is what they are – and the more you focus on them, the more you draw your new reality to you! Remember your emotions are what draw to you what you are focused upon Take whatever steps get you to a feeling of wellbeing; get back in the current; for all that is good and happy in your life; get your vibration up; imagine how wonderful you will feel when you have all that you desire; feel it now. Intentionally look for evidence that things are truly working out for you and that they will continue to do so. Be grateful for them, too. The easier and happier things feel, the more you are in the flow. Now, just smile and drop the oars.