Are You Kidding Me?

Turning Away

Some of the games men play and women with low self esteem who believe the games.

My best friends are all single. And at twenty-nine and being single that is devastating for most. My one friend has been back and forth with this one guy for two years. He likes to play a little game that is, I will call or text you when I want too and not a minute or day before. She would hang out with this guy and then she wouldn't hear from him for weeks and then magically he calls or texts her and says you want to hang out and even though she has been agonizing over the past few weeks as to why he hasn't called and why he keeps doing this to her, she inevitably says yes to him. And then the game continues she sees him and then again he doesn't contact her for another three weeks or longer. He tells her things that are not true such as "I will never hurt you" or the best one is "you want to stop seeing me?" First, when were you ever seeing each other? Seeing each other every few weeks is NOT a relationship, but yet she eats it up. Which to me is the oldest game in the book!

She recently told me that if she stops talking to him than no doubt he will find someone else and she doesn't understand why it's not her. I have tried explaining to her that it has nothing to do with her. It is HIM. But she thinks so little of herself that she says well in a few years he will wish he was with me and I will have moved on. And I am thinking why would you care? If you have moved on and he is not with you than that is his problem not yours. She either likes the game that he doesn't want her, than he does. The chase of the game is intoxicating. She thinks that she loves him and I think she is in lust, because she is chasing him and he isn't willing to be caught. I have tried different tactics such as, say we are at a bar and I look at this guy and think he is hot but he looks at her and not me, well it has nothing to do with me it is just that she is his type not me. But of course that didn't work either. For what ever reason this guy has a pull on her and she continues to go back to him when he calls. And if he does something different and actually calls when he says he will she thinks he has changed. No he hasn't changed he is just realizing in order to keep her in his grasp he has too put more effort into the matter and so he gives her a little bit more each time. BUT he will end up doing the same thing if they hang out he won't call her for weeks again.

It is not that hard for a guy or a girl to text or call someone every week to say, "Hey, how is your week going?" So for her to think that this is acceptable is beyond me. He doesn't want her, he wants to play the game with her and he knows he can. So he continues to do so. During the weeks she doesn't hear from him I honestly think he is with someone else or at the very least trying to be with someone else. I feel bad for her and my other friends who have such low self esteem that if one man that they like does not like them they think no one will. It is sad that whatever I say it won't matter because they are going to do what they want too. No matter how much I trash this guy and tell her that he is not right for her she justifies it and says well it is different than two years ago, because he is calling more instead of calling once every two months. Well, yes that is a little bit different, but if he is still not calling when he should and waits for weeks on end than it is not different, it is the same!

I wish I could shake my friends and say, "You are so much better than this!" But unless they believe it themselves no matter what I say or what advice I give they will not listen. They have to see it for themselves. And I know it will end in a heartbreak and I was only trying to prevent that which unfortunately for me and her it will end in "I told you so!"

Christy Goldstein, a dating coach and a dating expert, can help you with all of your dating needs. Christy's blunt personality helps you move quicker through the dating scene. She can help you with your dating profile, your dating checklists, red flags and more! Contact her at