How to work through your emotions productively.
Being cheated on is the most painful experience a person can ever have. It can hurt you very deeply. No medication, not even the strongest painkillers, can take away this kind of pain after infidelity.
Your partner is asking for forgiveness. He or she has shown genuine remorse for the things that have happened. Your partner is sorry for the hurt that he or she has caused you and is asking for a second chance.
You, being truly and deeply in love with your partner, are willing to give them a chance that they are asking for. The two of you can start anew and build a stronger and better relationship. But this doesn't necessarily mean that the pain and the hurt have already gone away.
The painful feelings are still there, you just don't want it to come out since you think it's for the best to forgive and forget. Unfortunately, after infidelity this is not always the case. And you, keeping all those feelings inside, may end up doing more damage in the process of rebuilding the relationship.
In rebuilding your relationship after the affair, it's critical that you get past this stage. It's very important to eliminate these hurtful thoughts so you and your partner can really start out "fresh." How do you do it? Here are three easy ways to eliminate the hurtful thoughts of being cheated on.
1. Express how you're feeling to someone you trust.
Imagine clamping a water hose while the nozzle is switched on. What do you think will happen if you suddenly unclamp it? That's right: the water will come bursting out at a very strong pressure. This is just the same thing with your hurtful feelings.
The more you keep it inside, the more it will be bubbling up inside you and can become dangerous. And when the time comes that you can't hold it in anymore, everything will come bursting out.
A good approach to this is to open up to a person. Share your thoughts and feelings with somebody you really trust, like your parents or your best friend. Doing this will help you unload these hurtful and painful feelings inside of you.
Sometimes after infidelity you may need the help of a professional. You can ask your therapists or counselors to help you through this painful time. When talking to them, don't shy away with the things that you say. Be willing to give it your all and pour out all those negative emotions. Remember that they are there to help you, not to criticize you.
2. Accept that you cannot change what happened, but can grow from it.
The thought that your partner has cheated on you can really be very difficult to swallow. And even if you think you can manage to swallow it, you would only be fooling yourself. People think they can move on with their lives if they surpress all the negative emotions and get themselves to believe it never happened. You can try to fool yourself but you can't truly fool your heart.
As long as you can't accept the fact that it actually happened, you will feel the pain and hurt over and over again. But how can you accept such a thing did actually happen when all it gives you is anguish? To be able to accept, you need to embrace the pain and acknowledge its existence.
Contemplate the things that have happened and concentrate on what you want to happen in your relationship. Think of the future and see how bright it is. The hurt may not go away instantly, but gradually it will lessen day after day. Time is a great healer if it's what you want and are willing to focus on.
3. Embrace and feel your pain fully.
Even if you have given him or her a second chance, you may still have that feeling of anger towards your partner. Anger because of what he or she did. And while your partner is there, you will constantly be reminded again and again of what happened, which can trigger those painful feelings.
What you need to do is to communicate with your partner and truthfully tell him or her that you are in pain. Tell your partner all the things you are feeling: pain, anger, grief. Be willing to ask for his or help through this painful time. Ask your partner to help you remove all your negative thoughts and feelings.
After infidelity, if your partner really wants to rebuild your relationship and is truly sorry for what happened, they will do everything in his or her power to aid you through this period.