How to make sure the two of you stay together forever.
By Christian Carter
Last updated on Feb 24, 2011
Go inside the mind of a man and discover how to take your relationship to the next level. In order for a man to feel like he wants to get to know you better and eventually have a committed relationship with you, you need to build something first. You need to build a solid foundation of positive experience that makes him practically unable to imagine life without you. When you do this, you’ll finally be able to have a loving, lasting, committed relationship with a man — without having to worry about him pulling away or resisting your love.
Right from the early stages of dating, there are ways to tip the balance so that your general experience together is positive. Here’s how. Your emotions and how you communicate them have tremendous power. They have the power to instantly re-connect you and a man, and they have the power to push him away in no time flat. If you want to have a conscious relationship and you want to enjoy the incredible feeling that comes from being able to stay close and connected with the man in your life — even during the tough times or bumps in the road — then you must learn how to "own" your emotions in situations with men, and communicate them in a way that uses their power to benefit you and your relationship... not break it apart.
The secret to making a relationship last
When you don’t take the time to process emotions and put them into perspective, then the feelings you share have a very different effect on your man than you’d like. I’m talking about what happens when you lose your center and let your fears and emotions take over about something that simply isn’t going to be a big deal to you two hours later. So, take some time to let your emotions settle before you express them to a man. If the issue is still bothering you, you’ll get far better results by expressing it in a calm manner... and he’ll perceive your overall experience as a positive one.
Most of us (men and women) use our minds to imagine the worst possible outcomes for dating and relationship situations. Think about those situations when a man doesn't call you back when you think he should. If you immediately start to wonder where he is, what he's doing, and who he's with, you create negative emotions. You make up pictures in your mind of him out with other women, doing fun things without you, etc., and it's really upsetting. This inevitably creates negative tension and distance between the two of you. Instead, start doing yourself a favor: visualize your ideal outcome, and make positive meaning out of the experience for yourself If he doesn't call you back right away, imagine that he is freaked out with his own life and schedule (maybe his boss just threatened to let him go), and make it mean that when he finally does talk to you, he's going to be even more interested because it took you so long to catch up with each other.
If he tells you he's not ready for a relationship right now because of his past, you can freak out and put more distance between the two of you. Or you can choose to look at it this way: he really likes you and has had to think about being in a relationship because his feelings are so strong. When you spin things positively, something incredible happens: you will feel a levity that is far from the pain you’d normally feel in a situation like this, and in turn, this makes you much more attractive — if not to him, than to a man who will really be able to commit to you.
When you continuously strive to adopt a positive mindset and create fun, positive experiences in a relationship, then the man will start to see you as a positive aspect of his life... and pretty soon he’ll see you as a necessary part of his life, too. Here’s the thing: a man doesn’t usually walk around thinking, “Gee, I really want to be in a committed relationship with one woman for the rest of my life.” What happens is this: he meets the woman who makes him feel so good, he can’t imagine his life without her.
Christian Carter is a dating coach and author of the e-book Catch Him & Keep Him. He has helped more than three million women become more successful with men, dating, and relationships.