A happy marriage is what we all want, but remember that it takes a lot of conscious effort!
Getting married is one of the biggest highlights of a woman's life. In fact, many women tend to put much more emphasis on getting married than on actually staying married. Men aren't too different, though — they often rely too much on the fact that their wives are married to them and, thus, don't have much choice but to put up with them.
It definitely takes a lot of effort to keep a marriage intact. Unfortunately, not every married couple is willing to do what it takes to save a marriage, which is why divorce is very common. As a woman, do you sometimes wonder what it is you do that might cause your marriage to fall apart?
Here are five things NOT to do if you want to stay happily married:
- Talk to your friends about your marital problems. According to research, a woman's close friends are more likely to feel upset about the fact that their friend is being mistreated by her husband than she is. In fact, they seem to be more affected by their friends' mistreatment than they would be if they were the ones being mistreated by their own husbands. It's also important to remember that women can't perfectly understand what a man's reasoning is, which is why it is very common for female friends to talk behind their backs and hate their friends' husbands. This negativity is never helpful, especially to a woman who's trying to feel good about her marriage.
- Tell yourself that letting your husband know how you feel will solve all your problems. Women often assume that their husbands are insensitive and don't really care about how they feel. They tend to think that perhaps talking about it with their man will help. Unfortunately, men don't like the feeling of being nagged, especially if they honestly don't think that there is a problem. As a result of the initial negative mindset, the conversation doesn't go well and they both feel more awful about their situation.
- Believe that you will only be happy if your husband changes. If you want a happy marriage, then by all means work to figure out what could make you happy. While it is true that you might be a happier wife if you could get your husband to change, you should remember that you, too, could change for the better. Instead of stressing yourself out thinking of ways to get him to change, focus on how you could become the best version of yourself. This can make you happy as a wife and as an individual.
- Look for what should be fixed in your marriage. Yes, couples should make an effort to work things out between themselves, but this doesn't mean that you should go on looking for your husband's mistakes or shortcomings. Instead of seeking out the negative, try to be more appreciative of him and emphasize the sweet and amazing things he is doing for you and your family.
- Believe that you deserve certain things. When you decided to be a part of a marriage, you should have prepared yourself to lose some things and gain others. You cannot live life thinking that your husband is supposed to give you everything. If you feel that he has been taking you for granted, improve your communication and make him understand that you want to feel loved. Don't pressure him to do things you want.
Having a happy marriage is everyone's goal, but we have to realize that it takes a lot of conscious effort to do the right things and avoid the decisions and attitudes that may ruin a relationship. In a way, marriage is indeed like career management: improving yourself and making yourself better as an individual is the key to overall success.
This article was originally published at www.companyofwomen.ca. Reprinted with permission from the author.