If you don't have the life you want, and are doing all the right things, do you blame yourself?

I so appreciate getting specific feedback on my blogs for a number of reasons.  The most obvious is that it lets me know that people are actually reading them!  Since I write to share what I’m passionate about in the hopes of inspiring and educating others, it’s always nice to know that someone has taken time out of their busy schedule to read what I’ve written. 

The second, and more important reason, is that it helps me to know how people may be interpreting what I’ve written and gives me the opportunity to answer any questions or clear up any confusion.  I figure that if one person has a question or would like clarification on something I’ve said there are most likely other people with the same question or confusion.

With this thought in mind I want to share some thoughts about emails I received this past week about my recent blog Your Personal Energy Signature.  They had to do with the principles of the Law of Attraction and the understanding that we create our reality through our beliefs, thoughts, words and actions.  When I was first learning about this universal law, I struggled with the idea that it sounded blaming, that we have brought about the traumas, illness and loss in our lives by something we’ve said or done.  That didn’t sit well with me.  Having worked in the fields of sexual assault, violence against women and child abuse for many years I am very clear about not blaming the victim. I struggled with reconciling these two seemingly divergent points of view.

Over time, with more study, practice and working with clients I came to a deeper understanding of metaphysics and spirituality that helped me understand these two seemingly different perspectives. While I absolutely believe that our beliefs, thoughts and actions create our reality, it goes deeper than that.  We may be doing all the things we know how to do….being aware of our negative thoughts and changing them, meditating, exercising, eating healthy, practicing gratitude, saying affirmations, not complaining, surrounding ourselves with positive people and experiences, etc., and still have lack, pain or loss in our lives.  This can be extremely frustrating and, at times, make us feel that we’re being punished by some uncaring Universe.

The main missing link, I believe, is the energetic piece that still may not be getting addressed even if we are doing everything our conscious mind knows to do.  Remember, the mind only knows what the mind knows.  There is often not any conscious awareness of old energetic patterns that may still be in play, not allowing life and all its abundance to flow to and through us easily and effortlessly.  If the energetic imprints of beliefs such as “I’m not good enough”, “Life is a struggle”, “I’m not recognized or seen”, or “I’m not safe in the world”, are still in our energy bodies then we will still experience some level of lack or struggle.  The cause of these beliefs/energies may have occurred in this lifetime or, if you believe that we have more than one lifetime, may have been carried in your cellular memory from previous lifetimes.

Another thing to consider is that perhaps your Soul chose to master a particular lesson in this lifetime that is best learned through a particular set of circumstances.  For example, if your Soul chose to learn self-love or forgiveness this time around, you may have opted to be born into a family where abuse, neglect or abandonment are part of your experience.  If you chose to learn lessons about acceptance you may have taken on a painful or debilitating medical condition.  In this sense you did “create” your reality, but not in a way that invites judgment or blame, but in a way that recognizes and honors the aspect of your Divine beingness that you wish to attain.  Each challenge can be recognized as an opportunity to uncover the places within ourselves that are ready to be healed so that we can grow more deeply into our Divine nature.

Finally, and perhaps most importantly, is the question of consistency.  Through the twenty or so years that I’ve been consciously on this path of personal and spiritual growth this is the piece that I’ve struggled with the most.  For a while I stay with a program, do all the things I know are in my best interest to do, create my vision boards, visualize, meditate, journal, become aware of my thoughts, etc., and then I fall off the wagon.  I find myself complaining, worrying, going into lack consciousness, and trying too hard to make things happen.  Although I’ve gotten more consistent over the years I still slip more often then I care to admit  I’m gentler with myself now, and recommit to the things I know will benefit me, and don’t beat myself up for being human.  I remember that’s exactly what I’m here for, to find my way back to my spiritual Self through my humanness, practicing forgiveness and compassion for myself along the way.

I hope this clears things up a bit.  Blame, whether self-blame or blaming others, has a very low vibrational frequency.  It doesn’t serve you to blame yourself or anyone else for your circumstances.  It does serve you, however, to take responsibility for changing those things that you do not want to continue to create in your life.  Many of the ways to do this have already been mentioned so I won’t repeat them.  I promise to share my favorite process for clearing the energetic patterns in a future blog.  Stay tuned and keep sharing.

Many blessings.


This article was originally published at . Reprinted with permission from the author.