Marriages: Why Do Some Stick?

Marriages: Why Do Some Stick?

I've said it before, and I'll say it again, blogging is just weird!  Mostly because I can see that my blog is getting a lot of hits, but no one is leaving written comments.  Now, of course, I understand that my prior posts contained some complicated subjects--those topics being death and oral sex--but I still can't wrap my head around people reading such personal information and then not commenting. 

I guess there is a small temptation to not continue to blog, but I kinda think that now that I've started, It will be hard to shut me up!  And for those of you who actually noticed that I went back later and edited my orally remembered post, I am hoping you understand that I am still finding my blogging "voice".  Please be assured that, since my sexuality is such a huge part of my being, I will continue to write about it, just maybe not quite as explicitly as before.

You will also probably notice that I will not usually talk about my husband.  And that is mostly deliberate.  He is a wildly successful engineering manager working in Silicon Valley for a communications based defense contractor.  He has several security clearances, and I would hate it if anything I ended up writing about ever caused him any amount of negative attention.  In fact, most of the people I am acquainted with have no idea of what his last name even is because I never changed mine after our marriage in 1995. 

Being a dating & sex coach, I am fully aware that divorce rates are 50% in today's society.  It takes on a whole different meaning though when you apply that statistic to people you actually know and care about.

I've been surprised to learn that 2 of my old girlfriends (1 from college and 1 from post-college employment) had divorced.  My main surprise is that they had always been with their boyfriends and subsequent husbands since the time I had met them.  I was really caught by surprise since one friend had been with her husband since even before I began dating my husband--and we've been together since October 1991! 

(picture of me, circa 1992)

I think part of why I am still married after over 13 years is because we remain happily child free.  I never bought into that "women can have it all" mentality, and it was for one simply fact; growing up, I didn't know one single, "happy" family.  I had plenty of friends whose parents seemed to be really loving and close, but their kids never seemed to be very happy, or even all that close to their parents.  Alternatively, I knew teens who seemed to be fairly happy and well adjusted, but they didn't have the most functional family life either.  For me, I got the distinct impression very early on that a happy marriage and happy kids were mutually exclusive.  I was pleasently surprised to find a few exceptions to my rule later on in life, but I am certain my point of view was already very well established. 

So growing up, I guess I just really hoped that I would somehow find someone to marry who I truly loved, admired, and (do NOT underestimate this) genuinely liked as a human being.  To me, settling for anything or anyone less would not have even been an option.  And, lucky for me, I actually found that person junior year of college!

Catherine Toyooka is the founder of Catherine Coaches, a completely unique consulting business offering both confidential and professional dating and sex coaching to individuals in Silicon Valley and San Francisco.  Catherine has been conducting sex positive workshops in the San Francisco Bay Area since 2002, and is a Brand Ambassador and Sex Educator with Good Vibrations


This article was originally published at . Reprinted with permission from the author.