Divorce, Emotions & Healing


Feeling that you are the victim of your circumstance in divorce comes up often.

Feeling that you are the victim of your circumstance in divorce is one of the things that comes up unless you're taking ownership. It's always a two way street, it's like what do you take responsibility for, because it's never just about one person, it's always about the collective, the two, if you're in a partnership or relationship.

Look at both sides and even though it's hard to look at both sides, like OK, "what was my part in this?" and just stick to what was my part in this? "How did I create this? And why did I create it?"

Sometimes the answers don't always come right away. It's like I'm not sure why I created this to be so because divorce was not my plan, having to move into my own space again was not my plan wow, "what do I do"? "And how do I work that"? And the biggest thing I think is just sitting and saying "where to now"? "Where to now"?

And really it's a moment by moment process, and those moments will start adding up. Pretty soon it's like a couples of weeks pass and then a month passes, six months pass and everything continually shifts.

I'm not saying that is easy, not saying that it's not energy because it is. There's a certain amount of energy that goes into staying focused on "OK, what can I do right now? What can I do right now, right now, and right now?" And taking a deep breath and finally saying that.

Whether it's activities or being around this special group of friends or whatever it is, that keeps that positive energy. Sometimes I know for me when I'm going through something like that, I go into hibernation. And if I equate myself, I'm a Scorpio so I equate myself to really being a Scorpio, if there's something I feel out of alignment with myself or something that's not quite right, it's like I don't want to be out there in the world, being influenced by other people's energy.

So I go internal and I go "OK, what's going on and how can I shift this? What do I need to do to shift this? What are the things that make me feel good? What are the things that make me happy? What part of myself do I need to take care of right now?"

And if a relationship doesn't work out, we need to look back and see, what worked, what didn't and hmmm, what can I do different next time.

You know, regaining self worth after a divorce is a tough one, I mean it's really a tough one because we always take it that there's something wrong with me, there's something wrong with me and this happened and what's wrong with me? And we all do it, we're human, so we all do that and like I said before I think it's just, I know for me, like when I feel not my strongest, not my most powerful, I think what things do make me feel strong? What things do make me feel powerful?

It's like what approval can I give to myself and doing my best to look at it from a positive aspect as opposed to the negative. I do a lot of spiritual work on myself, just kind of going in and sort of rehashing not rehashing, but getting into what is that belief? Where does that come from? And how can I create that energy and releasing that energy and going forward with what makes me feel really good.

I love doing this; whatever it is and getting back out there and doing those things that are fun, doing those things that bring enjoyment.

It is about listening to yourself and then being surrounded by people who do know how to encourage you and put positive energy in your space. And that can hold that space for you, because sometimes we have a hard time holding that space for ourselves.

If we have a couple of really good friends around you, you just say, "Just hold this space for me to just keep moving with elegance and with grace and hold that thing knowing that it's helping me through this". And actually asking for help because a lot of people, especially women, we don't ask for help.

That's one of those things that in the past it's like "OK Marjean, why won't you ask for help? And by asking for help it's not that you're weak, it's not that you're anything like that, it's just allowing somebody else to give their gift.

My advice to women about moving on emotionally after divorce is to be open to receive. Be open to receive more love, be open to receive more goodness, just become really good receiver again because I know a lot of times that you want to shut down emotionally. It's like "I'll never do that again", "I'll never open my heart to anyone again" and "I won't do that" and yeah we all say those things.

However, just be open, just be open as challenging as it can be, just be open for something great and know something great is coming, something great is happening right now.

I would love to say that time heals, and that it won't always be easy. However, just the fact that women are equipped with the ability to give birth and release the pain of childbirth, to have some women go through that process over and over and over again. It's like I always say if a man had to go through childbirth, they'd never have children again.

It's like we've been given that ability to have children, release whatever comes with that as far as trauma and stress or pain and some of us go through and do it again.

There is light at the end of the tunnel and the tunnel may seem long but there's always light and to keep moving. Just one step at a time, one step at a time.

Some days those steps are going to be big and other days those steps are going to be tiny but just to keep moving one step at a time.

You are going to go through many different emotions and there are all natural, they are all normal and it's OK to go through them and to actually accept them because you'll be able to move on faster if you accept these emotions as they come.

And not trying to say I'm bad for feeling that. It's like no, this is what I'm feeling and it's OK."


This article was originally published at . Reprinted with permission from the author.