Why No One is Exempt From 'Single Girl Shame'.

Heartbreak, Love

If you’re in a relationship and you’re afraid it’s going to end and put you back “out there”.

I was three years into a five-year relationship and I was still suffering from SINGLE GIRL SHAME. How do I know? Because I stayed almost two more years and some intermittent months after that. In fact, it was shame that got me into it and shame that brought it to a staggering end. 

What exactly is single girl shame? Well, if you’re asking, you likely have it. If you’re asking and there’s a bit of a knot in your tummy, you definitely have it.

It’s a deep down self-criticism that, whether or not you’re in a relationship, shows up in the following ways… 

  • Fear: If you’re in a relationship and you’re afraid it’s going to end and put you back “out there”, that's Single Girl Shame. (As if, "out there" is a death sentence.) If you’re not in a relationship, you may be afraid you’ll always be alone. Btw, I’m not talking about occasional questioning, I’m talking about buried alive, upside-down fear. The kind that makes us stay in a miserable situation or become abysmally depressed while fulfilling our own, personal cat lady prophecy. 
  • Desperation: This is fear’s dangerous oldest child. Single girl shame will have us lying on dating apps, posting pretend fab-life content on social media, and trying to mold man candy out of mince meat. 
  • Jealousy: If in a relationship, single girl shame is the envy of anyone who seems like they have this relationship thing figured out. (sidenote: no one has relationships “figured out”. They’re just unknowingly beating you with your own perception.) When we’re single with single girl shame we may "like" that umpteenth new baby (wedding/romantic vacay) pic from our girlfriend on social media. Mainly, because it masks the when-is-it-going-to-be-me tone our voice might have if we had to tell her in person, one more freaking time, how cute baby Robespierre is compared to every other over-photographed newborn. 
  • Paranoia: No matter what anyone asks or offers about our love life, it sounds insulting when we’re riding with single girl shame. “Did you come by yourself?” sounds like “Why are you always alone?”, “Where’s your husband?” sounds like “Shouldn’t you be making sure he’s not with another woman?”, etc. 
  • Anger: Single girl shame tells coupled ladies to be “in control” of their relationship. It says “Don’t let that man get away with sh*t.” If he tries it, put him in his place! Single girl shame tells single women “Never put up with sh*t, and guess what. They’re all sh*t.”

Do you recognize any of the above attitudes or behaviors? The good news is that single girl shame is something we can choose to release, just like we choose to take it on when we buy into all of the 'you're-not-enough' garbage society inundates us with. 

Want to learn how to release single girl shame forever? Join our FB Group The Creative Love Collective. Starting this Sunday, I'm posting 7 Days of Single Girl Shame Release. 

Got questions? Book a free call

Wishing You Love & Life, 

Coach Candice

P.S. The only guaranteed relationship you'll ever have is the one you cultivate with yourself. 

This article was originally published at My newsletter. Reprinted with permission from the author.