What’s Your Sex Toy Whore-O-Scope?

Expert
Zodiac

Did you know your sun sign can help you identify you or your swipe-right's hidden sexual characteristics? Before you hit the sheets, let's go balls-deep into stimulation style of each astrological sign!

ARIES: Wham-Bam-Thank-You-Ma' am (March 21 to April 19)

The control-freak of the Zodiac, Aries's flirtation style has all the subtlety of a jackhammer. Once an Aries has you marked for conquest they’ll ram their way into any available orifice. (You’ll probably need a safe word.)

Aries gets right to the point and has no patience for long, languid love sessions.  Forget playing hard to get with this sign - just grab your ankles.  

Best Sex Toys for Aries: Forget Pocket Rockets and candlelit foreplay– Aries needs something with a kick stand. Power Players like the Hitachi Magic Wand or the Voodoo Halo will satisfy their need for speed.

TAURUS: The Slow Burn (April 20 to May 20)

Want to seduce a Taurus? Slow your roll. Taurus knows what they like, and they don’t like surprises. Some people are turned on by extreme kink - Taurus gets a romance boner. You'll spend your first date at Bed, Bath & Beyond. 

When Taurus finally rewards your patience, you’ll get more of a conventional meat and potatoes experience in the sack. Stay hungry because you’ll get a full meal deal every night of the week.

Best Sex Toys for Taurus: Tactile Taurus is ruled by their senses, so amp-up the cheese-mosphere with Scented Candles, Sensual Massage Oils and a Hallmark Movie of the Week.

GEMINI: Freak Nasty (May 21 to June 20)

Before dating a Gemini ask yourself this: Is Polyamory right for you? You’re about to enter an open relationship, you probably just won’t know it.   

Magnetic and calculatedly filthy Gemini is the human equivalent of an It's Complicated status. Saying “Not all Geminis” is the most Gemini thing you can say.

Best Sex Toys for Gemini: Baby, You ARE the toy. Don’t be surprised when your Gemini turns you on, turns you off and then tries to put you back in the drawer. Anything that caters to group sex is a good bet for this fun-loving sign, so consider investing in some Waterproof Sheets.

CANCER: Undercover Kink (June 21 to July 22)

Think Cancers are sensitive, prudish and Vanilla AF? If you manage to lure one out of their shell, they won’t stop until they romance your #### off.

Just don’t be surprised when they break out the ball gag after that candle lit dinner. An aggressively kinky Cancer may leave you with emotional and physical marks.

Best Sex Toys for Cancer: Sex Furniture and Position Wedges like the Dame Pillo caters to this crabby homebody’s need for comfort AND kink.

LEO: Beast Mode (July 23 to August 23)

The question isn’t if they have a sex tape, it’s how many. You know the scene in American Psycho where Patrick Bateman is pointing at himself in the mirror while having sex? 100% Leo.

Insatiable Leos are always down to show off their Bateman-esque sex skills and their need for constant adulation may leave you feeling like a groupie.

Best Sex Toys for Leo: Blingy, over-the-top toys like Dorcel’s Gold Megawand impress the Leoness, while the Clone-A-Willy Kit is the ultimate ego stroke for the Leo Male.

VIRGO: The Sexy Librarian (August 23 to September 22)

Virgos tend to intellectualize sex. Patient, nerdy and highly attentive, Virgos want to master your body like the instrument they played at band camp.

They can actually be intensely passionate, but only once they feel comfortable with the right partner. Ultimately, Virgo wants validation so be open about what feels good or just give them a “World’s Best Lover” Coffee Mug.

Best Sex Toys for Virgo: A well-stocked Lubricant drawer appeals to Virgo’s OCD need to plan everything ahead. They also prefer practical, IKEA-style gadgets that are easy to clean, like Sensuelle’s Point Bullet.

LIBRA: White Gloves (September 23 to October 22)

The Libra Lover knows that sex starts in the brain. Witty, flirtatious and exceptionally manipulative, Libra is all about the mind fuck. 

Finding a single Libra in the wild isn’t simple since they’re perpetually attached to losers. Trying to woo a Libra? This Polly Prissy Pants doesn’t like it rough. Mind your manners and this posterior-ruled sign might just let you inside their backdoor.

Best Sex Toys for Libra: High-end Luxury Toys like We-Vibe’s Ditto Plug and the B-Vibe Anal Education Set will set the scene for a beautiful booty call.  

SCORPIO: Resistance is futile (October 23 to November 21)

How do you know someone’s a Scorpio? Don’t worry – they’ll tell you. Scorpios are irresistible, volcanically sexual and they will never shut the fuck up about it.

Want to bag a Scorpio? They have a low tolerance for boredom, so start boning up on acrobatic sex positions. Bring plenty of lube and an ice pack.

Best Sex Toys for Scorpio: The most jealous sign in the Zodiac loves to keep your naughty bits under lock and key, so sexual restraints like the World Cage Chastity Kit are a great bet.

SAGITTARIUS: Down to clown (November 22 to December 21)

Meet Sagittarius, the human hookup app. If quickies get your adrenaline racing, this sign is your ultimate fuck buddy.

Goofy, sexually adventurous, and always fun, their endurance and oral skills may sweep you off your feet. Just don’t expect candles, extended foreplay, or a call back.

Best Sex Toys for Sagittarius: Sag loves to wander, so small and portable Travel-Friendly Toys work best when they make that quick getaway out of your life.

CAPRICORN: Pumpkin Spice (December 22 to January 19)

Cap gets a bad rap as the Zodiac’s Basic B. Maybe that’s because anything beyond the missionary position scares them.

Despite their cautious, pre-nup loving natures, Capricorns are closeted horndogs. If you want to Netflix and chill with one it won’t be easy since they have incredible instincts about people and will see right through your shit. 

Best Sex Toys for Capricorn: Practical Capricorn may be the only sign that actually ENJOYS reading product warrantees, so they’ll love Fun Factory's 2 year product guarantee and German/English How-To Manuals.

AQUARIUS: Loving the Alien (January 20 to February 18)

Aquarians love giving the impression that they have no fucks left to give, but stimulate them on a mental level and they’ll fuck ANYTHING.

Aquarians are patiently waiting for sex robots to arrive so they’ll never have to make human contact again. If you date an Aquarius, make peace with the fact that they prefer sexting to actual sex.

Best Sex Toys for Aquarius: Tech-loving Aquarians will try anything innovative and unconventional. App-Controlled Teledildonics from Kiiro and Ohmibod are a perfect fit because they allow for sexual interface without that icky face-to-face.

PISCES: The Cosplayer (February 19 to March 20)

Pisces is not a sign for sport fucking because they can’t distinguish sex from love. Don’t mistake that for boring - Pisces LOVES sex. They’re the reason Furry Conventions exist.

You know that secret fetish you’ve never revealed to anyone? Intuitive Pisces already knows. Plus, their “go with the flow” approach means they’ll do or say whatever it takes to get you off – even they have to do it in clown shoes.

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Best Sex Toys for Pisces: This sweet submissive of the Zodiac just wants to be your bottom bitch so bone up on your bondage game and invest in a good set of leather restraints. 

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