Community Blog: Why Men Complain


"What?! You don't only want me to do the dishes but you want me to be happy about doing the dishes?" Remember that line from the trailer of the movie the Breakup? I love that clip because it is such a great example of the difference between how men and women view love and relationships. This article will share the secrets of how men love.

Check out our video Why Men Complain.

1. Understand that men and women love differently

Our tender images of affection and sweetness are how women love. Hugs, kisses, and kind words are how men get sex. Listen to how men express their affection to fellow men, and you will see a glimpse into the way a man shows affection. The best example I can think of is watching Clint Eastwood's character in Gran Torino as he talks to his friend the barber. I would quote him but the man language could offend.

Male affection involves punches and insults, because to a man pain equals affection.

2. Understand how men view love

To a guy love equals pain or sacrifice. If a man spends $100 on a women, and he has a million in the bank, it is not a gestured of love. It is a way to impress or look good, but it's not about love. By contrast if a man spends a dollar on his lady and that is his last dollar with no way to get more, then that is a true expression of love. Likewise, if a guy likes working in the yard and spends his afternoon cutting the grass, he is not doing it because he loves his wife. However if he hates to vacuum and yet he does it, then that to a guy is love.

3. Understand how men show their love

Once you have gotten your brain around a man's association of love and suffering, then get ready for the next insight. For a man to show his love, he must show his pain.  To be a cheerful lover would mean to the male brain that he is not showing love at all. To make sure you understand the sacrifice he needs to let you know how unpleasant this all is for him. His eye rolls and grumbles are his way of saying "I am doing this, not because I want to, but because I love you." If he was happy about doing whatever, then he would be doing it for his own pleasure.

4. Understand how to respond

The next time your man gripes or complains about taking out the trash, or emptying the dishwasher, look him in the eyes and stay thank you. Hear his unhappiness as love because that is exactly what's happening.


This article was written to give hope to those who feel discouraged by their partner's complaints. The hope is to give a smile to those couples who already recognize the unhappy attitude of the man's behavior. If this article in anyway makes you disheartened in your quest to make your husband a cheerful giver, then forget everything you have just heard.