Is Something Surprisingly Simple Keeping You From Finding Him?


Shift how you look at yourself and men to start having more fun, more dates and more SECOND dates.

I learned something this week that completely rocked my world: when you apply eyeliner, you should start from the inside of your lid, not the outside.

Did you know that? I’m 52 years old, and for my entire life I’ve been doing it wrong. No wonder it was always a struggle! I was never able to create that smooth line I saw on other women. Over the years I spent hundreds of dollars on varying brands and tried using Q-tips and other devices; but despite my constant efforts, it never worked. I was always starting from the outside.

Now that I know this incredibly simple fact, and after a little practice, my eyes are looking gorgeous and I feel pretty proud of myself.

This experience, like so many things in my life, reminded me of dating.

When I was single and dating, I was always trying so damn hard to find love, but nothing ever worked out. Looking back, I can see that I was trying, but I was repeatedly doing it wrong.

In my 40s, I finally got that. I saw other women with good guys, so I knew it was doable. If I was going to do it, though, I admitted that I had to do it in a significantly different way.

I opened my mind and my heart, and I learned some juicy stuff from a bunch of smart people. I also learned a lot from myself. Some information was hard to absorb and put into practice, but a lot of it was surprisingly simple.

Every time I grasped one of those simple nuggets, it became easier. I began shifting the way I looked at myself and men. I started to have more fun. I had more dates and more second dates. I eventually met and married my husband, the most magnificent man I’ve ever known.

Like my eyeliner, once I learned some simple facts and got some practice, the line started going on smoothly.

Here are some of those nuggets:

  1. Want to attract a man? All it takes is for you to look him in the eye, smile and say "hi." Women rarely do this, and men love it!
  2. Let him lead. Show him you're interested, but let him make the major moves first. It may seem old-fashioned, but if you're looking for a husband and not a fling…this is a must.
  3. Adult men – the ones I call "the good guys" – won't have you guessing if they like you. If they do, you will know it by the second date. If you don't know, he's probably not into you and it's time to move on.
  4. Men want you to tell them what will make you happy and hate that we expect them to read their minds.
  5. If you have male friends who tell you what a catch you are but aren't interested in you romantically, it's because you present yourself with your male energy. Don't be afraid to be a girl. Masculine men are attracted to feminine women. Period.
  6. If you're the gal who is low maintenance and thinks that's how to attract men, it will. Unfortunately, it attracts the ones who are willing to give just what you ask for: nothing.
  7. All kinds of men are attracted to all kinds of women, but all men want a partner who is confident and doesn't rely on him to make her happy.
  8. We think we're strong by doing it all alone and not letting men help us. I found this quote the day after my husband and I decided to get married. Granted, it's a giant nugget, but it's so important, especially for those of us in our midlife who are used to doing everything for ourselves. It's the truth that I finally learned:

"Being deeply loved by someone gives you strength, while loving someone deeply gives you courage." ~ Lao Tzu

Bobbi Palmer, founder of Date Like A Grownup, is an internationally recognized Expert helping women over 40 find grownup, lasting, passionate love with the right man. As a first time bride at 47, Bobbi shares in her free video series "The 4 Devastating Mistakes Women in their Search for Love" at

This article was originally published at Date Like A Grownup. Reprinted with permission from the author.