Suspect An Affair? Don't Turn Into A Spy

Suspect An Affair? Don't Turn Into A Spy [EXPERT]
Love, Heartbreak

If you suspect foul play in your relationship, investigating might not be the answer!

"We are never so vulnerable as when we trust someone. But paradoxically, if we cannot trust, neither can we find love or joy."

 — Walter Anderson

One of the fundamental problems with falling in love is that, by nature, we are so infatuated we have a difficult time tapping into our higher sensibilities — our reasonable self. And that's half the fun of it. Falling in love is a purely gut-level emotion. We tend to see what we want to see, and formulate the story of the future around those very blurry feelings. And then the real relationship begins. 

Are you suspicious of your partner's activities?

Strange things happen to the best of us when our sense of relationship security is challenged. Suddenly, you are bombarded with thoughts and feelings that have you spinning with suspicion and mistrust. In the worst of cases, even the most rational among us might resort to highly uncharacteristic, even objectionable behavior that brings out the worst in us. And typically, no matter what the truth turns out to be, this does not bode well for the efficacy of the relationship. 

Some people are suspicious by nature. Is that you? Maybe you have been burned with deception in past relationships. Maybe you buy into the idea that "all men cheat."

Others may become suspicious only following an actual trigger. An unknown phone number that shows up on the phone bill. An unexplained charge on the credit card statement. Maybe they caught their partner in a lie. That's how it begins: some tiny tidbit, real or imagined, raises that initial red flag and launches a flood of reactivity. 21 UNMISTAKEABLE Signs He's Cheating On You (Dump Him, Fast!)

Some suspicion is perfectly normal. Even healthy. Our emotional instincts can serve to protect us in an almost primal way. In that sense, we're all insecure. We all have doubts that raise concerns, whether warranted or imaginary.

More infidelity advice from YourTango:

This article was originally published at Bobbi Jankovich. Reprinted with permission from the author.