What's really going on behind that tough, mean, "I'm gonna kick your a$&" persona?
What makes you think you can treat other people the way that you do?
What inside you tells you it is OK to ridicule, push around and threaten those that cross your path?
What do you gain from it? Do you really get that? Or are you fooling yourself?
I want to tell you something. I see through you. I know who you really are. And what you are showing the world when you bully others is not you. It is a you that you have created out of a need for something. Something you think that you are missing. Something you long for. Something that is eating away at you. Something that causes you great suffering. I want you to know I understand.
Where did you learn this? Has someone else treated you the way that you treat the people you bully? Who are they? Was that person being who they really are? Or were they suffering, too? You know the answer.
Are you angry about something? What is it? Who can you go to for help with that? Who can you trust to share your problem? Do you threaten and control others to appease your anger? Is it working? Or does it feed the anger? Is anger who you are?
What is going on in your home? Is it OK to speak your mind there? Are there things that you can’t talk about at home? Do you see/hear things that you cannot repeat to others? Are there secrets? What do you wish you could reveal about your home life?
I want you to know that whatever is happening, it is not your job to carry it alone.
I want you to think about the people that you push around. Do you know what is going on in their homes? What do you know about them? Maybe they have some of the same problems you have. Maybe they are suffering in the same way as you. Is it possible that you are the same? If things were different, if you acted differently towards them, maybe you would actually be friends. Maybe they would be a person who could even help you through whatever you are facing. Maybe. How will you ever know?
You have caused others to suffer. You have done things and said things to make others feel as badly as you do. Maybe worse. Does that make you feel better? Does it make your worries fade? Does it take away your suffering? I know the answer.
The bully is not who you really are. The anger is not who you are. I know who you are. You came into this world in the same way as everyone else. Though the miracle of creation. You are a miracle. There is reason and purpose for your being here. It is not an accident. It is not a mistake. You are a gift to this world. Why? Why are you here? Is it to bully others? To teach them a lesson? To show others their vulnerability? Is that your job? Perhaps. Or perhaps there is more. Perhaps your job is to look beyond those things. Look deeper into yourself. It might be scary. It might be lonely. It might bring up all the pain at once. And it might set you free.
This article was originally published at http://www.beckyrichardson.com/letter-to-bully/. Reprinted with permission from the author.