Love in the Present

Love, Self

Women as a whole are givers. We give throughout the year, not just over the holidays...

Women as a whole are givers. We give throughout the year, not just over the holidays. We take care of our households and do everything we can for our children. We bend over backwards for our colleagues and friends. Some of us even give to strangers, volunteering our time and money to help those less fortunate.

But this time of year, many of us aren’t feeling so fortunate ourselves. Yet instead of really looking at why and doing something about it, we tell ourselves to stop complaining, to focus on our blessings, to embrace “good enough.” It feels almost immoral to ever put ourselves first.

No matter how hard it is to see other couples enjoying the season together while we have no one. No matter how much we dread going to parties without a date, or ringing in the New Year surrounded by kissing couples while our lips touch nothing but the rim our champagne glass. No matter how much we ache from the loneliness, we can always tell ourselves that our priorities are straight. That focusing on everyone but ourselves is the right thing to do.

But is it?

It’s time we ask ourselves an important question: Is this what we want for our children, for our daughters? Do we want them to settle for good enough? Do we want them to give to everyone at their own expense?

On your list of gifts to buy for your kids this year, do you really want to include “Lessons in living a life without true happiness and love”?

That’s the gift we’re giving when we model for them how to put ourselves last, when we demonstrate the fine art of putting off happiness and love until a tomorrow that never comes.

The point is, when we put off love, we hurt more than just ourselves. We think we’re being selfless by focusing on everything and everyone else, especially over the holidays. What we’re actually doing is using our own generosity as an excuse. And we’re hurting the people we love when we do it.

Our heart’s in the right place. We’re just not telling any men where to find it!

What if this year you added a new gift to your list for everyone in your life? What if you decided to show them how going after love and joy in this life gives you infinite love and joy to give to others? That’s the kind of gift that keeps on giving. Even the most expensive gadgets or jewelry kind of pale in comparison, don’t you think?

This season, learn to enjoy and appreciate your own gifts so that you can share them with others. Put finding love at the very top of your gift list. It’s time to stop making excuses for not doing everything in your power to go after the love you’ve always wanted. No more telling yourself you’ll find love next year.

Love is in the present. All you have to do is open yourself up.

Email me anytime at and ask me questions so I can help you in this area.

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This article was originally published at . Reprinted with permission from the author.