Why His Bedpost Notches Don't Matter


Here's why don't need to feel uncomfortable about his (or your) sex number ever again.

[Contributed by: Most Brave Girl]

Are you nervous about how many people you’ve slept with? Or nervous that your new gentleman has been quite ungentlemanly with half of the food court? If one of you is on the low end or the high end of the sex partner number spectrum, you might be dealing with some feelings of uneasiness and discomfort. However, there are a several reasons why you don't need to be nervous about it ever again. Ladies, here's some relationship advice we could all benefit from. 

What's the Real Reason?
If you're feeling weird about being the next person on your new partner's list, chances are that your issue boils down to something basically unrelated: either you're jealous of previous partners and insecure about your place on the spectrum of paramours, or you're feeling daunted by their extensive experience, so now you're struggling with feelings of inadequacy. Which category are you in?

If You Can't Take The Heat Don't Make Pancakes
How old is everyone now? You know what, it doesn't matter. No matter your age, you have a past. You've accumulated some sexual baggage, just like everyone else. Essentially everyone approaches a new significant other claiming a spotless sexual slate, but it's a façade. Pretending that your boyfriend is a virtuous, pure-as-the-driven-snow soul is like pretending that this is a maître d’. Or that this is Antonio Banderas: So shiny on the outside, but still an animal within. We're all just filthy, sexual animals. It's not that much fun to think about your man getting down with a bunch of other biddies, but you need to acknowledge it without freaking out.

If you're going to be jealous and insecure about every past experience your boyfriend has had, you're going to be miserable forever. At some point (right now), we all just have to throw up our hands and admit that adults do things (like people). Your next flame is probably not going to be a virgin. But who cares? Neither are you. Would you like your new love to judge you because of it?

But I Heard His Last Girlfriend Was a Sex Robot
If you're worried about being compared to past partners, you've got to relax. The only thing stopping you from being a cool sex lady is if you don't try to make him feel good. You just need to learn what he likes. He has had his share of good, bad and boring lovers, but his sexual memories aren't going to dilute the passion that you can bring into the bedroom.

If you're worried that he doesn't take relationships seriously, and that he's only attached to you for the sex, you should really be talking to him about this. You can't judge him on past relationships or be critical of his previous affinity for casual sex. Every relationship is different, and everyone has been through many different phases of life. His behavior and connection with you is the only thing that matters.

You Cannot Get Honey From a Hornet's Nest
Everyone has a past. As you get older (and you accumulate more embarrassing, desperate or misguided choices in your life, as we all do), you'll realize how little it matters and how unfair it is to judge someone accordingly. If you honestly can't handle the thought of your loverboy in the arms of another woman (even if it happened a long time ago), maybe it's time to start dating virgins. And that's a whole different box of hornets. Good luck.

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This article was originally published at Nouveau Dating . Reprinted with permission from the author.