How to Find Love by Not Looking for It


If you're having trouble finding the right partner, give these tips a try.

[Contributed by: Most Brave Girl]

MASH. I live in a shack with Anderson Cooper and we have a pet alligator. I drive a Vespa to my job in a glue factory and he’s a cowboy.

Dammit. I guess I lost this game. Good News: MASH isn't real

When you think about it, you lost every game you played as a little kid that drew a picture of what your life would look like. You probably don't have the job you thought you would and your significant other doesn't look like you expected. What you thought would make you happy in a MASH game when you were in seventh grade (having a ferret, living inside Disneyland, being NSYNC's personal shopper) is probably not your recipe for happiness anymore. Life is decidedly unpredictable and it would be boring if it wasn't.

For exactly this reason, it's absolutely vital that when you're looking for a mate, you don't constrain your attention to a certain look or type of person. Just because you've always pictured yourself with a blonde doesn't mean that you should marry one. Fairytale daydreams are fun, but if we all got attached to our romantic fantasies, there would be no happy endings.

The Details Don't Matter, Yet

Where you live, what you do, what your spouse does, what kind of car you have and how many kids you want are all negligible topics until you find the person who will share your life with you. Your spouse will have habits, quirks and preferences that you can't predict and which may or may not line up with yours. When someone wonderful comes along, you shouldn’t get hung up about whether he or she wants a dog instead of a cat or wants to live in Portland instead of Austin. You can always negotiate those things later. Love someone, don't love the way you imagine someone will fit into your life.

Find Love by Admitting that You Don't Know What It Looks Like

What are the chances that that two people have tons of chemistry AND they completely agree on their visions of a fairytale future? Almost zero. It's hard enough to find somebody who you would willingly pick up from the hospital if you got the phone call right before you were going to make nachos. Loving somebody means being flexible. If you've always hated Game of Thrones but your ideal guy is wild about it, wouldn't you soften up a little bit and watch an episode or two?

But What If He Listens to Dave Matthews Band Literally Every Day

Does that make him a terrible boyfriend? It (probably) doesn't preclude him from being a good listener, a supportive confidant or a witty conversationalist. The important thing isn't his individual taste, it's that you guys have a good relationship. Everybody has their own idea of what bliss looks like. Make sure that you're not too strict about yours or you might miss out on a someone who makes you happy.

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This article was originally published at Nouveau Dating . Reprinted with permission from the author.