Living Life As A Victim? 7 Ways To Stop Acting Helpless

Life Coach: 7 Ways To Stop Acting Helpless

When we live life as a victim, we loose our power, and end up disappointed in our relationships.

Yes, we each have a choice whether or not we choose to live life as a victim. BUT. I hear the big BUT all the time. "You just don't understand, I really am a victim of life. You just don't know how bad my life is." Regardless of what is happening in your life right now, you have the power to turn it around.

When we are in victim mode, we give up our power to make a difference in ourselves, as well as in our situation in life, whether it is our career, our relationships, or even our health. We give up our power to make a difference in the world around us. When we live life as a victim, we choose to be in relationships with people that are not heatlhy for us. We create problems in our relationships, and we also loose our power in our relationships.

Tired of living this way? Read on to learn about that seven ways we keep ourselves in victim mode and how we can grow and change. 

1. We Live Life As A Victim By Playing Small
We don't want to rock the boat. We don't want to upset others. We have gone on auto pilot and have accepted "our lot in life." We don't realize that life could be different, and that we could play big: that we could use our gifts and talents to make a difference in ourselves, and others.

Do you choose to play big or small? We often play small in an attempt to please our partner and to put our partners desires and wishes above ours.  

2. We Live Life As A Victim By Not Asking For What We Want
When was the last time you asked for what you really wanted instead of merely doing what others expected of you? We want to please our spouses, our parents, our teachers, our friends and our coworkers. As a coach I work with many clients who reach mid life only to realize that they are not pursuing their own dreams and goals, but living out their lives to please others.

What do you want? It's okay, and even advisable to ask for what you want in relationship.

3. We Live Life As A Victim By Failing To Dream Big
Have you ever thought about what you would most love to do? A vision that is so inspiring that it would not only inspire you, but would inspire others as well? What would you do if you knew you could not fail? As Wayne Dyer says, "Don't die with the music still in you." It's okay to dream big.

Can you support your partners dreams, and can your partner support yours?

4. We Live Life As A Victim By Blaming Others
We blame our lot in life on others: on our parents, on our spouse, and our circumstances. Blaming others requires a lot of negative energy. Blaming others drains our energy, which we could use instead for what we really wanted to create in our lives. Blaming others even if it is their fault always keep us in the victime mindset. 

5. We Live Life As A Victim By Believing There Is Not Enough 
When we believe there are not enough resources (like love or money) to go around, we believe in scarcity thinking. If I have enough or as much as I want then I am taking from someone else. This is often referred to as "win-lose thinking". If you believe that there is plenty for everyone, that you can create what you need. There is enough for everyone. 

6. We Live Life As A Victim By Believing We Are Not Enough
The central problem for many of us is not feeling that we are enough. We feel flawed. We are scared of being vulnerable and of being real. We constantly have our guard up, protecting ourselves. When we realize that we are lovable and okay just as we are, everything changes.

Being vulnerable, which is the key to emotional intimacy, is scary. The key to transformation is shifting from the belief that we are not enough to believing in ourselves. Then we are no longer victims.

7. We Live Life As A Victim By Our Failure To Act
You know what you want, and you have great ideas but taking any action to make those dreams come true is just too scary. Taking action takes courage. Our fear keeps up from moving forward. We become overwhelmed and stuck. Just do one very small, micro baby step to move forward and then another micro baby step. This way, you can continue to move to your goal.

Be Proactive!

You can change whatever it is that keeps you in victim mode. You can be the creator of your own reality. Get clear on what you want and ask for it! Let your partner truely be a partner; work and play together to create the relationship and the life that you want. 

Your choice: you can live your life as a victim, or you can step out, take charge of your life with clarity, confidence and courage, and create the life you most want.

Amelia Barnes coaches women in midlife to trust their inner wisdom, and create the next chapter of their life including both career, and realtionships with clarity, confidence and courage so you can create a life you love. Contact Amelia for a complimentary coaching session at  

This article was originally published at Inner Outcomes . Reprinted with permission from the author.