Your Relationship Will Fail If...

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Your Relationship Will Fail If...
Love

Love isn't enough if you are experiencing a disconnection in your relationship.

Love is easy.

But that doesn't mean that your relationship is healthy or meant to last. How do relationships fail?

No matter how much you love each other, your relationship won't last if you do certain things that show a lack of understanding between you and your partner. 

Here are 6 relationship mistakes that will break you apart, no matter how much you love each other. 

1. You don't respect, support, honor, or share each other's core values.

Your values are the baseline for who you are, whether they focused on family, curiosity, self-improvement, balance, compassion, drive, giving back — whatever is most important to you.

If your partner cannot respect and honor those in you and he doesn't respect and honor you; if he resents you for who you are, the time that you dedicate to your values, verbal and physical expression of those values, then they are not for you and vice versa.

If your partner is about free-flowing and you like rules and structure, are you still able to respect each other and honor each other and your differences? If your partner is about being in the moment and you feel safe and secure by considering the future — in spending choices and indulgences — can you find balance in those two opposite believe systems?

If you cannot respect, honor, understand, integrate, or share values, you will find that you are constantly and consistently going up against each other’s values. They will be the source of your arguments, anger, and the eventual cause of your end. 

2. You don't respect, support, honor, or share each other's lifestyle.

Lifestyle is extremely important, if not an essential element in a relationship. That being said, just because you have different lifestyles, does not mean that you can’t find a balance together. But it is essential to consider when it comes to things like religion, parenting styles, finances, social preferences, and communication.

Do you have very different priorities and expectations of yourself, life, and each other? If you differ and are on opposite ends of the spectrum in these areas, you have to be realistic as to if you are a fit long term.

While it might be fine and even fun to be with your opposite, for now, does it have enduring potential?

3. You don't communicate with each other on the same level.

Every individual creates a perspective and style based on past experiences, pain, insecurities, screw-ups, and lessons learned. There are many different ways and styles of communication, but if you and your partner do not match up and cannot come to a place of understanding, then it's like you're speaking very different languages.

You may even be saying the same thing, yet you continue to argue because it is being expressed differently. How you communicate your needs, feelings, fears, excitement, and love must be heard by your partner.

If it is not heard and if you don’t feel heard, then you will feel alone, disrespected, slighted, and unimportant, even if your partner feels the exact opposite of the feelings that they are unintentionally instilling in you.

4. You view each other's feelings as criticism.

When you voice your feelings, when you feel afraid, unhappy, confused, unfulfilled, or like your essential relationship needs are not being met, does your partner hear your feelings as criticism? Are they constantly defensive when you speak your mind? Do they make you feel like your feelings are ridiculous? Do they minimize and marginalize what you are saying?

If that is the case, try couples counseling because the issue might be your differing communication styles. You might also have completely different opinions and priorities. And it is extremely difficult to have a relationship on that foundation.

5. You both have different time frames and partnership expectations.

If you want to get married within a year and a half and get knocked up within 2 years, you need to have a conversation with your partner about it. If you have different life expectations and your life desires are more important than your relationship, you have to talk about.

This is an honest conversation about your needs that explains, "This is where I stand. This is the course I am on. Are you on this course too?"

Especially, if you are at a time in your life where you feel like your window to have children is closing, being upfront with what you are looking for out of this relationship is absolutely realistic.

The fact is that some men just won’t commit. They have girlfriends for 8 years, then they feel like the relationship has run its course and they jump ship. It’s a pattern. Or maybe they just truly don’t see a life with you. They think you’re great and they are really enjoying your relationship, but they don’t see it going anywhere beyond where it is.

You are on a ride that will end, that's for sure. The only question is: when? He knows that this relationship will not move into marriage. He will not be proposing. Although he wants kids, he does not want kids with you and you have the right to know that.

6. You are unhappy with each other.

You may be deeply in love the guy — to the depths of your soul, with each breath you take, and if you could drink him you would because he is like a drug. You crave him but he’s killing you. You’re in a bad relationship. And that’s when it’s time to break up.

Breaking your own heart can be the most torturous and confusing breakup of all because you can’t help but question whether you’re making the right move. You know you’re unhappy, you aren't getting what you need in the relationship, but your heart feels like it is splitting in two, even though you’re the one ending it.

Being in a bad relationship can lead to depression, a lifetime of insecurities, unhealthy behaviors and thoughts, and a temporary loss of self. It’s time to walk away. Run if you think it’s necessary. Eventually, your love will fade, and you’ll stop thinking about him every minute. Then, one day, you’ll realize that you didn’t think about him for days. And in time, he fades away.

But, how do you know you're in a bad relationship?

  • He is physically or emotionally abusive.
  • You don’t like who you are when you’re with him.
  • You feel like you’re suffocating.
  • You are lonelier when you’re with him than you are when you’re alone.
  • He is possessive of you in an unhealthy way.
  • He doesn't celebrate your accomplishments but would rather one-up you instead.
  • He puts you down when you’re with other people and makes you feel like an idiot.
  • You’re afraid that he will get mad at you when you talk to or hang out with your friends, so you feel like you have to lie.
  • He checks your phone because he is convinced that you are cheating—but you aren’t.
  • You can’t remember the last time you smiled.
  • You stop wanting to be your best self.
  • You stop putting energy into your appearance (i.e., shaving, makeup) not because you feel comfortable but because you don’t care.
  • You are making excuses for him.
  • You feel like you are settling for less than you deserve.
  • You don’t want to touch him.
  • You make excuses as to why you can’t have sex or even kiss, right now.
  • Everything and everyone else is more important than spending time with him.

It’s time to end it.

The sooner you do, the sooner you will smile again, that's a promise. It’s a little bit like exercising when you so don’t want to. One more day of exercising is one less day of being overweight and is one day closer to reaching your goal.

The same situation applies with separations: one less day of being together is one day closer to being happy.

Because love isn't enough. It’s not worth your happiness. It’s not worth your health. It’s not worth your core values. You deserve more. And you will find more if you release yourself from this relationship. 

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Laurel House is an international celebrity Dating and Relationship Coach, a dating coach on E!’s “Famously Single,” a Dating Coach for Three Day Rule Matchmaking, and a 5-time published Lifestyle Author. Learn more about dating, love, and relationships on Laurel's podcast "Man Whisperer" on iTunes. 

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