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A mother is always a mother.
By Isaac Serna-Diez
Last updated on Apr 23, 2024
Women who have mothered a child, whether they physically gave birth to them or not, usually receive presents on Mother’s Day since they are mothers to a child. Mother’s Day is the day to celebrate their motherhood.
But this holiday can be difficult for women who have a strained relationship with their mothers, are unable to have children of their own, or have lost their child. And it's a sentiment one man just didn't seem to grasp.
A man didn't get his wife Mother's Day presents after her son passed, saying she was 'no longer a mother'.
The man's wife, who recently lost her 7-year-old son due to an illness, got into a huge fight with her husband after lots of family members and friends sent her Mother's Day gifts and mementos to cheer her up, while he came home empty-handed.
As a result of her blow up, he tried to act like she was lashing out for no reason, causing her to feel like she messed up.
Photo: Cody Portraits / Pexels
“I lost my son at the age of 7 [a few] months ago due to illness,” she wrote in her post. “My husband is his stepdad. Grief is still pretty much raw for me but I make sure I don't bother others with my ‘burden.’”
The mom was clearly still very shaken up about the situation, as any normal person would be, especially since this would be her first Mother’s Day without her child.
“I went out for a walk and came home to find that a lot of family and close friends sent gifts to me to cheer me up,” she continued. “Some gifts were like [mementos] which really touched my [heart].”
Like good family members and friends, people still sent her gifts because, for all intents and purposes, she is a mother and will never stop being a mother. Unfortunately, her husband didn't seem to feel the same way.
“I noticed that he didn't bring anything but I asked just to make sure,” she explained. “He told me he intended to not bring a Mother's Day gift. I asked why and he didn't feel like I should hear it but I insisted. He [nonchalantly] told me that it's because he thought I'm no longer a mother.”
The woman's husband then got mad at her for blowing up on him.
The husband claimed that because her son had passed away, he would simply not give her a Mother’s Day gift since “technically” (his words) she wasn’t a mother anymore. And that was when she became angry with him.
"I asked if he thought that I can no longer call myself a mother just because my son passed. He said no, but what he meant to say is that these circumstances are different and refused to expand on his argument," she added.
She then continued, "I started a big fight with him about it, and he went upstairs after saying that I was lashing out at him for no reason and that I should control my temper and has been staying there so far."
Photo: Keira Burton / Pexels
People were quick to defend the woman against her husband's hurtful words.
“Your son will always be your son, which means you will always be a mother. There is no such thing as being an ex-mom. Your husband could turn into an ex-husband, though, and maybe he should,” one of the top comments read. “The correct response would be, ‘I'm always a mother but I'm no longer your wife,’” read another comment.
Mothers never stop being mothers, even when their roles change.
From the moment a child is born and put into his loving mother's arms, she is their mom until her dying day. As the years pass and her child grows up, eventually moving out and starting a family of their own, she's still his mother.
Her role may change as a mom over time. When her child is young, she is the primary caregiver, instilling important values and life skills on them, and influencing and shaping who they are as a person. She may also offer guidance as her child grows up, perhaps even serving as a role model.
But even if her child no longer "needs" her — children will eventually become independent adults, after all — she will always be there. And, yes, even if her child becomes estranged or passes away, she remains a mother to her child.
For this woman, her grief is ongoing, as there is never a specific timeline to mourning. Her husband acted in a way that was not only cruel and uncompassionate, but failed to realize how difficult of a holiday Mother's Day can be to women who have lost their child.
Instead of claiming that she was "no longer a mother," he could have asked how she wanted to honor the day and honor herself as a mom. He should have been incredibly sensitive, knowing how profound her loss was.
Luckily, she was able to find some comfort from her friends and family sending mementos, even if she didn't receive an ounce of sympathy from the person she needed it from most.
Isaac Serna-Diez is a writer who focuses on entertainment and news, social justice, and politics.