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They both made assumptions.
By NyRee Ausler — Written on Mar 12, 2023
Traditionally, it has been the norm for men to pay for dinner dates with women they were interested in. As gender roles shifted, confusion over who is responsible for paying on a first date between a man and a woman has arisen causing conflict between potential lovers.
One man found out first-hand, that when it comes to showing a woman that you’re interested, you can never make any assumptions.
In a since-deleted Reddit post, that man shared that he recently met a young lady on Tinder and ‘swiped right’ to let her know he was interested.
She apparently did the same and before he knew it, they were setting up their first date. Since the woman was unsure of where to go, he sent over a menu from a familiar restaurant, and she confirmed she was interested.
According to him, their first date went off without a hitch… until the bill arrived.
While they had not discussed it prior to the date, he thought they would split the bill, but she was under the impression that he would be paying for the date.
The man admitted that he had been the one to suggest the restaurant and that he knew it was expensive, but he thought that his Tinder match would have let him know in advance if it was out of her price range.
The Redditor asked her how they were going to split the check once it arrived. She told him that she lived with her parents and earned minimum wage, so could not afford the pricey meal. Though annoyed, he went on to pay the entire bill.
Later on that evening, the woman reached out to chastise him for embarrassing her at the restaurant.
In response, the man apologized but told her that she should not expect someone to pay for a meal that she had chosen to order but did not have the money to cover. That statement prompted the humiliated woman to block him, ending any possibility of a second date.
Since the disastrous date, the conservative Casanova has reached out to his fellow Redditors to find out if he mishandled the situation and should not have even asked the woman to contribute to the payment for the meal.
Though the original post was removed, the commenters believe this is a clear case of miscommunication.
The first person wrote, “ESH simply because you both made assumptions. You shouldn't assume you'd split the bill. She shouldn't have assumed you would pay. I'm speaking as a woman here, if I ask someone out on a date, I would assume I am paying for the whole thing. For a first date I'd just go somewhere not expensive.”
According to the queen of etiquette, Emily Post, the woman is correct. On a first date, the person who asked should pay unless both parties have agreed to something else beforehand.
In the age of online dating, the person who reached out first should be prepared to wine and dine their potential partner on the first date.
NyRee Ausler is a writer from Seattle, Washington, and author of seven books. She covers lifestyle and entertainment and news, as well as navigating the workplace and social issues.