I Love Hooking Up, But Don't Like To Go All The Way And That's OK

girl with a secret
Self, Sex

I am practically a virgin, but I sure do love messing around.

Lately, I've been trying to figure out what I am. See, I generally don't believe in labels, but it has gotten to the point where I almost feel like I need a label just so I can better explain myself when needed.

I think I might be a slutty prude.

Here's the thing: I like to mess around—a lot. My partners agree that I rock the bedroom, but the catch? Sex has only ever ended with a penis in my vagina one time. With one guy. True story: I've only ever had consensual "intercourse" with one guy, and to be honest, I'd like to keep it that way for now.

My question is: What does that make me? I mean, I'm practically a virgin, but I'm also clearly not all that innocent. I love to get my sexy on, but at the same time, my 'number' is one—and I'm 31.

So, what am I?

I only ask this because it's a question that comes up rather often with the men I mess around with. I'm not going to lie, I'm usually the initiator of the adult fun, but I'm also inevitably the one who tells them to keep their penis away from my happy place.

Does a good time always have to end up with intercourse? I think I missed that memo.

So here I am. The one who peeled his clothes off, took my clothes off, got us both excited, and then told him it wasn’t happening, in that way.

I think I'd like to have a label for times like that so I could just whip out and be like, "Oh, I'm sorry. Didn't you know? I'm a slutty prude." I just feel like that might be easier than trying to explain—in the heat of the moment!—"Oh, yes, this is fun! We can keep doing all of this, and some of that. And yes, please, a little more of that, but keep your penis out of my vagina because I don't want to double my number tonight. I mean don't get me wrong, I’m not planning on letting either of us leave dissatisfied, I'm just not doing it that way."

Wait a minute. Does this sound ridiculous to anyone else? Just me? It's just so hard because, like I mentioned, I DON'T really believe in labels.

Sleeping with every guy on the planet would not make me a whore, and sleeping with no one doesn't make me a prude. Nobody has the right to tell me what to do with my body—except for me.

I don't need a label because I dont need to meet an expectation. I'm a woman, not a grand finale.

If I meet a guy I want to have some fun with, that's fine. If I decide that I don't want to sleep with him, well, that is my prerogative. I'm not saying that it would be OK for me to string him along. I'm just saying that it's my body and it's my right to decide what I do with it. No explanation needed.

Why is it that guys seem to think I'm a great time until I don't want to finish it off the way they had imagined? And then I'm just an uptight prude? Why is it that my friends think I'm a slut even though I've slept with significantly less men then they have?

Why should I be made to feel like I need to defend myself against some ridiculous stigma that society has placed on me?

I don't care what people think of me because the only person who knows me enough to judge me, is me. And I still feel sexy about it. 

Am I a slutty prude? Possibly. But I regret to inform you that I'm not currently accepting labels.

I'm a woman—an adult—using my body as I please. And anything beyond that? Speculation.