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You're staring at your phone right now, aren't you?
By Carter Gaddis — Written on May 26, 2023
Social media addiction is no joke.
If curiosity about the digital fantasy world conjured by TikTok, Discord, Twitter, YouTube, Snapchat and other social media platforms erupts into a full-blown obsession, your life could take a dramatic and destructive turn.
A National Institutes of Health review of studies on social media use and mental health found that there are many social benefits to social media, but excessive use — especially among teens and young adults — can lead to psychological distress.
And then there's the "escapism" factor. How many of us sink slowly into that blue light of our smartphones, drifting toward the fantasy world populated by our "in real life" pixel pals and virtual besties?
Sometimes, that escape is a source of comfort or even excitement in an otherwise mundane day-to-day existence. Sometimes, our social media habits are a visible sign that we'd much rather be somewhere — anywhere — else.
With that in mind, we reached out to a panel of YourTango Experts to seek their insight into what social media habits might reveal about how a woman truly feels about her current relationship.
Three experts share the social media habits that reveal a woman is unsatisfied in her relationship:
1. She's chatting up old loves
Do you notice you’re chatting up male high school friends or tangential professional acquaintances in a slightly flirty, slightly too intimate manner on your social media platform of choice? Are you liking or commenting on the content these same individuals post more than usual? How about sliding into someone’s DM who you barely know? Are you obsessively checking to see if you’ve received a comment back, or a like on your most recent post?
Is all of this extending late into the night or early morning? Are you sharing things you haven’t shared with your spouse? Are you hiding it from your spouse or pretending you’re communicating with someone else?
“Yes” to any of these questions is a sign you’re looking for something in the wrong place.
If you’re unsure, check your devices to see how much time you’ve been on social media, what platforms you’re using more often, and consider the targets of your attention. Directing more time and energy to men, or women, of special interest is a sign something’s probably missing in the marriage.
- Dr. Judith Tutin, psychologist and life coach
2. She's mentally and emotionally distant because of the time spent on social media
Destructive social media habits are those that take a woman away mentally and emotionally from her husband. They can include:
- Spending too much time checking social media when her husband is around
- Getting involved with groups and discussions during a time that could be used to be in her relationship with her husband
- Actually hooking up in one way or another with people she meets online
Some hookups can be safe and worthwhile and some can lead her right out of the bedroom and the life she shares (or did share) with her husband.
For example, Rita walked right out of her own life by not spending any fun time with her husband. Caught up in debates on political and medical subjects she spent more and more hours on social media. She insisted in couple therapy that it was her husband that didn't know how to have fun with her. He just came home, ate, and went to sleep. And sex, forget it!
Maybe all that was true but it was also true that she spent many hours on social media while her husband worked in heavy construction on a 10-hour shift. Who was to blame? Rita? an exhausted husband? Social Media? The divorce court didn't care.
- Dr. Barbara Becker Holstein, positive psychologist, author, filmmaker
3. She seeks social media thrills and distractions in place of quality time
If any of us are spending time watching Facebook, TikTok, Instagram posts, or hours on Youtube watching entertainment rather than spending quality time with our partners, then there is clearly something missing in the relationship. Training videos, research, audiobooks, and such are different things. These are done with a purpose.
Sheer entertainment sought elsewhere is a strong indication that the relationship is not providing enough interest or enjoyment. For relationships to remain strong, and more importantly, to grow they need to be a primary focus and never take second place to social media.
- Larry Michel, founder of the Institute of Genetic Energetics
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Carter Gaddis is the senior editor for Experts and Wellness with YourTango.