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Dealing with heartbreak ain't easy, but it's possible.
By Mitzi Bockmann — Written on Mar 11, 2019
Were you in a relationship that just wasn't working anymore so you were forced to let go of it?
Do you find yourself alone now, feeling depressed and hopeless because you think you will never be happy again? Do you know how to deal with depression, loneliness, and sadness that come with experiencing a broken heart?
You are not alone. There are many women out there, right now, feeling the way you do. They just want to know how to stop being depressed while getting over a breakup.
And, the good news is, you will feel better as soon as you learn how to get over an ex and mend a broken heart.
Here are 5 tips for how to get over someone you love while dealing with depression, loneliness, and sadness from a broken heart.
1. Accept that you are going to be sad
When you've just broken up with someone you love, the hopes and dreams that you had for the future have been completely dashed. The time that you used to spend with him, you're now spending alone. Your life is totally different, and, honestly, not so great.
You are going to be sad. You are going to be devastated. You are going to be heartbroken. And it’s okay.
I remember, less than 12 hours after my mother died, my step-father was telling himself to snap out of it, to not be sad. He couldn't handle the pain that he was feeling. So, he stuffed it down. And, 4 years later, he is still overwhelmed by his loss.
It is important to be okay with the emotions that you are feeling. It isn't a reflection of any weakness on your part but a reflection of the pain that you are feeling. And it is important that you feel those feelings of pain, sadness, regret, and whatever emotions arise as a result of the breakup.
Only by truly feeling and processing emotions are you able to work through them and let them go.
So, learn how to deal with loneliness and embrace your emotions. Own them as your own. Process them and let them go. Doing so allows you to learn how to overcome depression after letting go of love.
2. Take care of yourself
One of the reasons why it’s so hard to get over feeling depressed after letting go of love is because when we are depressed, we stop taking care of ourselves.
Are you spending large amounts of time eating ice cream in your PJs? When you do go out, are you drinking more than usual? Are you not sleeping? Have you gotten any kind of exercise in recent memory?
If you have answered "yes" to any of these questions, then you are not alone. Many women treat emotional issues with ice cream instead of marathons. So, don’t feel bad but do try to make some change.
If you can’t sleep, take some melatonin to help you get some. If you are eating ice cream, try to eat just a little bit less. Try getting off the couch and taking a walk.
Taking care of yourself in this rough time is an essential piece of getting over a breakup when you're feeling depressed about letting go of love.
3. Do things that make you happy
I struggle with depression every day and one of the key things that I do when I am depressed is make sure that I do things that I know make me happy on good days.
What kind of things? I watch movies. I eat Pad Thai. I have sex. I spend time with my kids.
There is factual evidence that doing things that make you happy and smile actually help to alleviate depression. The actual act of smiling has been proven to change the chemicals firing in your brain, the ones that are causing the depression.
So, what makes you happy? When you are feeling depressed, the idea of doing anything can be too much to bear. But, get off the couch and do just one thing that you enjoy doing. See what happens.
4. Stay off social media
For some reason, when we are going through a breakup, we can’t resist the temptation to stalk the guy on social media. The temptation to see what he is up to, who he is hanging out with, and who he might be seeing is just too much to resist.
When you do it, does it make you feel better? Probably not. This is not an effective strategy when you're figuring out how to forget someone and get over your ex.
One of the most important parts of getting over heartbreak is to remove yourself completely from anything to do with your ex. Block him on your phone. Disconnect from him on Facebook, Instagram, and other accounts. Don’t talk to your friends about what he is doing.
Instead, pretend like he just doesn't exist. Pretend that he is a guy you used to know who has disappeared off the face of the earth. The less you think and know about your ex, the easier it will be for you to get over him.
5. Put yourself back out there.
Yes, the prospect of getting back into another relationship is the last thing that you want to do — giving yourself to someone else when you still love another person.
And that's fair. But it’s also important that you don’t stop living your life. You only have one life and it’s short.
So, if someone from work invites you out for a drink, do it! Go to the movies with friends. If you are invited to a party, go to it. Put yourself back out in the world and into the path of love. You will meet new people, have new experiences and maybe find yourself another person to call your own.
If you stay home, on the couch, watching The Bachelor and eating ice cream, you might feel safe and less vulnerable, but you will also stay depressed because you have stopped living your life and you just won’t feel good about yourself.
Put yourself out there. Live your life. You will be glad you did.
Feeling depressed after letting go of love is a horrible feeling.
What we want more than anything is to know how to heal a broken heart and feel relieved at finally having the strength to get out of a relationship that wasn't serving us.
Unfortunately, it doesn't work that way because breakup grief and the depression that accompanies it is usually the first part of the healing process. Luckily, grief is only the first step and that there is hope for your future.
So, embrace your grief, feel it, and release it. Take care of yourself, do things that make you happy, stay off social media, and get yourself out there.
When you are ready, sooner than later, I hope, you can learn how to let go of someone you love and reach out for a new one — yourself.
Mitzi Bockmann is an NYC-based Certified Life Coach and mental health advocate. She works exclusively with women to help them to be all that they want to be in this crazy world in which we live. Are you feeling depressed after letting go of love? E-mail Mitzi.
This article was originally published at Let Your Dreams Begin. Reprinted with permission from the author.