10 Uncomfortable Signs You're Falling Out Of Love With Your Forever Person
The worst feeling.
Getty Images When you first fall in love with someone, it's hard to imagine that those wonderful feelings it entails come with the possibility that, someday, one of you might start falling out of it. We all love the excitement, the laughter, the getting to know each other, and the staying up all night until the morning after part. Some may say this is the part where all of us are good at everything. We are in the middle of having it all, not thinking that it may all fall apart one day.
That is until the falling out of love part starts happening. You can both feel it ending, but nobody’s saying anything. Like any person shocked to learn something wonderful is about to end, you find yourselves paralyzed, just standing there trying to make the most out of whatever time you have left.
Here you and the person you thought was your soulmate are standing across from one another as though you still have time — looking into each other's eyes with empty souls, wondering when the end began. Were there signs you missed? Can you still do something to make it all OK? Was it me? Was it you? Or was it both of us?
Here are 10 uncomfortable signs you're falling out of love.
If you notice these happening in your relationship, consider yourself warned.
1. You start growing apart.
The first few months or years of every relationship are the happiest times. You just love to do everything together. You want to mature at the same pace bringing your relationship to the next level. You’re both growing up while getting closer with each other.
And then the time comes when the other person seeks to experience something new while the other just can’t or doesn’t want to do it with them. They start to grow apart and the other just feels heavy, like you are holding each other down.
This is the biggest sign that you've fallen out of love with each other.
2. Nothing is as it was.
You’re both changing into a different person. The other person just can’t recognize their partner anymore. Everything you agreed on, everything you liked to do together, the way you dress up for the other, the way you smell, and even the jokes you both laugh at changes. Nothing is the same anymore.
3. Anger, jealousy, and endless arguments ensue.
Have you ever heard of low frustration tolerance? This is what happens when love starts to fade. Each one of you no longer has the patience to joke around or tell each other about your day thinking that it will only end up with a petty argument. You can no longer stand being around each other. Their words make you sick. Their actions make you hate them over and over again. You’re constantly reminded of all the things they've put you through, and you just know that it’s not a healthy relationship anymore.
4. Your friendship falters.
This is what we don’t want to lose the most, aside from the love that was once there: them, being the best friend we ever had. The person who knew us well, more than we even know ourselves, still holding on with hopes that they will change and see us for who we are now. Them, who listened to our every rant without judging or criticizing.
But they have changed. They no longer see you the way they once did.
5. The attention fades.
You have no time for each other anymore. You find every good excuse in the world to not be with them. They feel too far away, no matter how close they are. Time feels like forever and you just can’t wait, meaning you cannot wait for it to be over.
In a loving relationship, you pay attention and spend time with each other every chance you get, if that's not happening you may have fallen out of love.
6. You prefer being alone.
Being alone just sounds more appealing. You feel like if ever you bring them with you anywhere, they will be just a piece of heavy baggage you have to carry around with you. You no longer want to experience things with them.
7. The future becomes a blur.
You know that the future is not around the corner anymore. Planning with the one we love is one of the things both partners enjoy doing, but if you cannot imagine it anymore nor have the courage to bring it up, then you’re both losing it.
8. The relationship falls into a stale routine.
The feeling when you have to wake up, eat, work, sleep and do it all over again is what it feels like when you’re falling out of love. It feels like you do it not because it’s what you want to, but because you have no other choice. It feels like an obligation just to be around them.
9. You stop having sex.
It’s either you’re always tired or you’re not in the mood. Sometimes you feel like you’re a machine or a robot just waiting for things to be done.
The first few months or years are the times when you can’t wait to take off each others’ clothes, but now you just can’t wait for them to put their clothes back on. A lack of intimacy is one of the many relationship problems that mean you are headed for splitsville.
10. Conversations wither.
Making conversation is no longer easy. It doesn’t happen naturally anymore and sharing your feelings, emotions or innermost thoughts with your significant other no longer feels like something you fancy doing. They are not the same person you fell in love with. Why bother?
Can you fall back in love with someone you fell out of love with?
Yes, sometimes you can fall back in love — but the process has to be intentional.
1. Prioritize one another.
Quality time is one of the many foundations of a good relationship. When relationships are in the beginning stages, you purposefully create a space for your love. This is what will help you save your relationship, so it's time to do that again.
We end up taking our partners for granted as the relationship grows in years, believing that they'll just always be there for us. But what we don't realize is that this kind of neglect can cause serious damage to a relationship.
To get ahead or come back from this, schedule time to be with each other. To be present with your partner. Plan dates every week to spend time with your partner. Therapist Lisa Rabinowitz suggests trying the Lover's Gaze when you find yourself falling out of love.
"Look into your partner's eyes and try to remember when you first fell in love," Rabinowitz says. "We fall in love through the eyes and you can recreate the connection by taking time to maintain eye contact. You might notice your heart rate increasing or feeling uncomfortable, but hold the gaze and it will slow down." Rabinowitz explains. "Try not to have to stare contest though!"
2. Be authentic.
Sometimes we fall out of love because we have overly adapted ourselves to fit into what we think is expected of us in our relationship, and as a result, we feel like a shrunken version of ourselves. This isn't good and will often destroy a relationship from resentment and emptiness.
If we let our personal fires go out, our relationship loses heat. So, tap back into your own passions and creativity. Start painting again if you've given it up. Go bird-watching if that gives you a thrill. Rediscover who you are and share it with your partner — and let them do the same.
Being authentic also means being honest, present, and open with your partner.
3. Avoid being a critic.
Pay close attention to the critical inner voice you developed over time and actively resist its attitudes and advice. Try not to zero in on every mistake and flaw your partner has but rather all the little things they do that made you fall in love with them in the first place.
This doesn’t mean you need to live in a fantasy world where you ignore your partner's real shortcomings, but do not pick apart everything your partner does. Take a more compassionate and honest attitude toward them that reflects your real point of view and stops this critical voice from drowning out your warmer feelings for your partner.
4. Be spontaneous.
When you first began your romantic relationship everything was new and exciting, right? Well, as time goes on most long-term relationships can start to become more practical and routine, particularly with the sharing of kids, household, or financial responsibilities. This can cause your spontaneity to decrease or even die off entirely.
It's important to not let that happen because this spirit of adventure and willingness to try new things is part of what creates a spark between two people. Continuing to explore life side by side and seek out new experiences to share is a powerful way to keep the excitement and vitality going strong in your relationship. As long as you’re making time to do new things that make you both feel more alive, having kids, living together, and the stages of growing old together can be quite the adventure.
If you recognize the signs you're falling out of love with your partner in time, you can always turn it around.
That is if you’re both willing to do what it takes together, hand in hand like you promised each other you always would.
Krizzia Paolyn is a writer, editor and poet whose work has been featured in Thought Catalog, Entity Mag and more.