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How much effort did he put in?
By Laura Lifshitz — Written on Nov 12, 2021
You’re in a relationship with a new guy and it’s the holidays. That means gifts. Well, usually.
You get a present from him and, in true female fashion, you analyze what his holiday gift means. You wouldn’t have a pulse if you didn’t.
But instead of the guesswork and sleuthing, there are a few ways to find out what his holiday gift means about the state of your relationship:
Before we dive into the dirty details, let’s consider a few things:
- Money doesn’t matter. People should spend what they can afford. It’s the thought that counts the most. The exception to this is a wealthy guy who goes cheap on a gift.
- The thought and time invested is what counts and shows how much he cares... or doesn’t.
1. A gift card of low denomination
It means he considers you... and that’s about it (unless he is broke, then it is more meaningful).
He wants you to feel acknowledged but he’s not about to go crazy for you. This is a good “early dating,” gift but if you have stronger feelings for him, you’ll be disappointed not about the dollars spent, but the less personal gift.
Now, if he is broke and does this, it means he probably didn’t know what to get you and wanted to acknowledge you still. And depending on how broke he is, it could mean you really matter to him but he doesn’t know you well enough yet.
In general, gift cards are less personal and have implied distance between the two gifters. Unless, of course, you’re just difficult to gift; in which case, a gift card is easier.
2. A gift card of high denomination
He wants you to feel spoiled for whatever reason (to gain favor with you, make you feel noticed, or impress you), but it’s not personal. It’s not the gift that says, “You are the one for me.” It’s not the gift that says, “You are the person I love.” Unless you’re difficult to shop for.
3. Something sexy, like toys or clothing
This means he utterly wants every inch of you, sees you as “his present,” and wants to indulge in you. He may be very serious about you (or not), but in any case, he's entranced by you sexually.
Example: Cute Booty Transparently Lace Thong
4. An experience, like a weekend getaway or spa day
This man really cares about you. Deeply. A spa day to yourself is an extremely thoughtful gift. Same with a manicure and pedicure. A weekend getaway says I want time with you. I want more of you. I want to make you happy.
Gifts of “experiences” are really gifts that come from someone who thinks highly of you and cares. This guy is a keeper!
Example: Dinner at a French restaurant
5. Something homemade
Well, this has to be the sweetest gift you could get.
This is from someone who adores you and wants you as more than a fool-around friend or side piece. This is someone who is considering you highly. And if it’s dinner, I hope he’s a good cook.
Example: A Mixtile photo wall of the two of you
6. Something incredibly random
We’ve all gotten that random gift that you open and think “WTF?” My then-boyfriend got me a wound-up toy that was a puppy... when I wanted an actual puppy.
In this case, it can be a few things: He’s a horrible gift giver, he left it to the last minute, or he doesn’t know you and doesn’t care to be too thoughtful.
Based on those things, you can decide whether to be upset or shrug it off. Not every guy is a good gift-giver. He may really be clueless.
Example: a kitten you did NOT ask for
7. A personalized gift
Photo albums. Frames. Whatever the case may be, personalized gifts are nostalgic and sweet.
They’re not coming from your homeboy down the street who likes to text you for hookups and nude selfies. They’re from someone who wants to reach in and touch your heart. Be impressed.
Example: A monthly couple's wall calendar or personalized coffee mug
8. A self-serving gift
He says you need to lose weight, so he buys you a gym membership. He says you need nicer sexier panties, so he buys you some.
In this case, he’s a bit selfish and is pushing his agenda. Although, in truth, exercise is good for everyone and so are sexy panties.
You know the situation best whether to dump his ass or appreciate the nudge and ride with it.
Example: A gym membership
9. Clothing
A practical, helpful gift.
He thinks enough about you to pick out something nice, so don’t push it off. It’s a very nice gift that took time and some thought.
Example: Miranda Bennett Cassatt Silk top
10. Something cheap (but he has money)
This is a sign of someone who is either cheap or just wants to get laid. In any case, move along.
Example: Anything from the dollar store
11. Jewelry
This guy wants to impress you! And it means he’s invested somewhat too.
Sure, a narcissist could buy you diamonds and drop you in a heartbeat, but jewelry gifts say you matter. This guy thinks you are seriously amazing. Enjoy that gift, girl.
Example: Jessica Santander Ayla Purple Prism Bracelet
12. Nothing at all
Screw him. Even a broke guy can make you dinner. Case closed.
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Laura Lifshitz writes about divorce, sex, women’s issues, fitness, parenting, marriage, and more for YourTango, New York Times, DivorceForce, Women’s Health, Working Mother, Pop Sugar, and more. Learn more on her website.