Don't even talk to us before the first cup.
If you're like me, the first thing you do after waking up in the morning is spend entirely too long figuring out how you can rearrange your schedule to squeeze in an extra 30 minutes of sleep before work. You wrack your brain to figure out if that requires skipping a shower and counting the days since you last washed your hair.
But then it wafts over your direction: The sweet aroma from your automatic coffee pot that draws you out of bed like Dracula rising from his coffin.
If you're one of those people, you're probably also catatonic until at least halfway into your first — or perhaps second — cup. This is difficult to juggle when you probably have to at least pretend to be sociable to friends, family, or coworkers. But sometimes you're just going to have to let your hands do the talking, specifically with the mug that you're holding in said hands.
For moments when you need to show off the snark and spunk that doesn't come to you naturally until after 11AM, here are a few ways to express yourself without actually verbalizing a single word.
1. There's no way you woke up like that.
Ooh, throwing that shade early in the morning!
(Available on Etsy for $12.)
3. I'd love to stay and chat but I'm lying.
They say a picture is worth 1000 words.
(Available on Etsy for $15.)
4. COFFEE, because crack is bad for you.
We don't recommend crack, either.
(Available on Etsy for $13.)
5. Good morning, I see the assassins have failed.
Disappointment is hard to take. Make it better with this mug.
(Available on Society6 for $15.)
6. Go away.
Keep it simple with this mug.
(Available on Etsy for $15.)
7. You're a little bitchy without coffee, so here. Take this.
Because you're nothing if not helpful.
(Available on Etsy for $17.99.)
8. I can't adult today. (Tomorrow doesn't look good either.)
We all have days where we need an adultier adult.
(Available on Etsy for $22.)
9. Bless this hot mess.
Because you need those blessings.
(Available on Transforming Beauty Shop for $12.)
10. Pilates? I thought you said Pie and Lattes.
Trust me, this mug is a much cheaper alternative to Pilates class.
(Available on Etsy for $16.)
11. I hate people.
Don't be afraid to show how you really feel.
(Available on Etsy for $14.)
13. Namast'ay in bed.
Just make sure you've got this great coffee mug when you do it.
(Available on Etsy for $16.)
15. My brain has too many tabs open.
We've all been there. Let coffee sort it out.
(Available on Etsy for $17.)
16. Dear Naps, I'm sorry I was a jerk to you as a kid.
Oh, if only we'd known how blissful a good nap can be.
(Available on Etsy for $16.)
17. I'm trying to be awesome today...
Because you need some down time after being that freaking great.
(Available on Etsy for $14.)
18. Zero fox given.
Be classy and crass simultaneously. Perfect for those days at the office.
(Available on Etsy for $18.)
19. I like my coffee black, like my soul.
You're dark. Dark like coffee.
(Available on Society6 for $15.)
20. "Perkatory"
It comes in a set of two, so you and a friend can share this moment.
(Available on World Market for $13.98.)
21. Hello, My name is Inigo Montoya.
Use this while watching the fantastic movie that inspired it.
(Available at Odd Gifts for $18.95.)
22. If each day is a gift, I'd like to know where to return Mondays.
Looks like someone's got a severe case of the Mondays.
(Available on Zazzle for $17.95.)
23. Epic coffee mug
You deserve legendary gear, even at work. No, especially at work.
(Available on Zazzle for $16.85.)
24. I don't give a sip.
I've got 99 problems but a sip ain't one.
(Available on Gnarly Mug for $12.99.)
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