Ladies: 10 Signs You've Achieved Ultimate "Creepy Stalker" Status

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Get a grip, girl!

Chasing a crush is exhausting. You spend nearly all your waking (and even some unconscious) moments trying to figure out how to finally win him or her over, only to have nothing work, forcing you back to square one every time.

Sure, it can be fun occasionally: There's the drama, the suspense, the anticipation ... But it's usually followed by disappointment and rejection, because, well, if he wanted to be with you, you wouldn't need to work so damn hard just to get a modicum of his or her attention.

Also, newsflash: If your crush isn't outright rejecting you in explicit terms, he or she may be implicitly rejecting you but trying to be polite.

If it's been months and you haven't been on a date or even had a phone call, what the hell are you doing with your life? You're wasting a lot of time that could be spent with someone who would adore you right off the bat.

Here are a few signs you really need to cut this crush loose:

1. A protective order isn't playing hard to get. At least that's what Chris Hemsworth's lawyer told me.
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2. You know who else never gave up? And look at how that ended.
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3. If he's married or in a relationship already ...
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4. Or if he just says he's married or has a girlfriend to get you off of his case.
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5. You've read up on Bill Cosby's methods and not seen the big deal. In fact, you admire his efficiency at getting what he wants.
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6. His local neighborhood watch chapter knows your license plates because you drive by his place so much.
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7. He doesn't check in anywhere online because you keep showing up.
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8. The more he resists, the more you persist.
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9. You've made it to the end of his Facebook timeline ...
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10. ... And he still hasn't accepted your friend request.
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