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There’s the saying, “I like my men how I like my….” Yes, there are countless comparisons to other things we love: coffee, shoes, weather, etc. But, we’ve been missing out on a vital one, drinks. If drinks were personified as guys, what would you order?
Here’s our menu breakdown:
1. Sex on the Beach
This composition of vodka, cranberry juice, orange juice, and peaches embodies a guy who is just as fun and adventurous as the name. He is the lifeguard you’ve been eyeing down all day hoping for some reason or another he’ll give you CPR.
2. Margarita
The salty bitter rims on the outside paired with the sweetly strong tequila and lime juice inside reflect that sarcastic crowd-pleaser you love to hate.
You begin conversation cautiously, taking in the little sips. Before you know it, you’re inhaling five glasses.
3. Whiskey
The rebel bad boy, the James Dean of drinks. This guy is pulling off the “brooding soul” look with his combat boots and leather jacket.
Although there is nothing satisfying about his bitter tone and musky scent, your curiosity gets the best of you. He leads you down a rabbit hole of poor choices, or to the back of his motorcycle.
4. Tequila
The guy you know is a bad decision. It’s practically written all over the bathroom wall that you’ll likely end up throwing up all over. Your friends and you all know this, and stay away.
But, as the night trails on, your judgment gets hazy and you go for it just anyway. Only to wake up and find that it was indeed a bad decision.
5. Gin Martini
An old man at the bar who strongly resembles a greyed and slightly withered Chuck Bass. After persistent chilling glares, he makes his move over only to be rejected due to your nonexistent daddy issues — or embraced as the case may be.
6. Cheap Beer
The frat boy or sports enthusiast at the bar who rocks a pastel Polo shirt, Vineyard Vine shorts, and Sperrys with a lanyard hanging out of his pocket. You wouldn’t go out of your way for him, but if its last call, he’ll do.
7. Craft Beer
The lumberjack hipster at the café. He’s laid back, thoughtful, and probably reading Catcher and the Rye or Franny and Zooey.
At first he may come off as pretentious, but you soon realize he’s someone you want to kickback with after a long day.
8. Wine
The older sophisticated guy who smokes a cigar and will probably take you to a Broadway play on your second date. Your parents will love him because he has his life together. You love him because he knows how to help you wind down.
9. Bacardi 151
That Tinder guy you met for drinks once and never, ever, want to see again. His overly edgy personality made you wonder if he was just released from prison, or raised by wolves in the deep woods of West Virginia.
10. Water
The guy you end up marrying. He’s an essential part of you. When you wake up with a massive hang over from all that alcohol, all you really want is a tall glass of water…and a bagel.
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This article was originally published at Never Liked It Anyway. Reprinted with permission from the author.