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Many years ago, before I became a relationship coach, I read a lot of self-help books. Some were good, some were bad, and I always struggled to decide whose advice to take. With a laundry list of so-called "experts" and matchmakers all vying to prove their love advice is the correct path to anyone's healthy relationship, it was difficult to know which was actually in the right. I didn't want to follow the wrong advice and have my love life end up in shambles.
That’s when I decided to take matters into my own hands and do the research myself. Then, I would know with more experience and searching that I would find which books offered the keys to the best relationships for the single and currently dating. When I became an author and submersed myself in the world of self-improvement, it became clear which books had useful, innovative advice for women. I continued looking into what advice was resourceful, realistic and truthful guidance to healthy relationships and weeded out the duds.
With that in mind, here are the top 10 books I repeatedly recommend to those trying to find loving, healthy relationships (and those trying to improve the ones they already have):
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1. The Power Of Now By Eckhart Tolle
Because most women find it hard to let go of baggage and often bring a fear of being hurt into new ones, The Power of Now is a must-read. Focusing on how to stay present in your daily life, this book will show you how to let go of toxic thoughts that can unknowingly sabotage the love you want. You won't find it in the self-help section of the bookstore, but the principles in the book are so applicable to relationships that it's the first one I recommend.
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2. The Four Agreements By Don Miguel Ruiz
Most women I coach share a common belief that they are somehow not deserving of a good relationship. This thought is what author Don Miguel Ruiz would call "an agreement." In this book, you will learn the four most important agreements to make with yourself and how they can change your life (and therefore, your love and relationship destiny).
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3. You Lost Him At Hello By Jess McCann
Because I was once a desperately seeking single girl myself, I know how frustrating dating can be. After learning a simple strategy to navigate through the get-to-know-you phase of a relationship, I met and married the love of my life. If you dread dating or feel most of your relationships are out of your control, this is the book for you. Not only will it help you find the love you seek, but it will also make the process easy and (dare I say) fun!
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4. The Little Black Book Of Big Red Flags
Women who are in the very worst relationships often convince themselves that their partner is "just being a guy" and resolve to accepting their subpar behavior. I recommend reading this book in order to learn some of the most pervasive red flags in today's love and dating world, and most importantly how to spot them before it's too late, and you are already picking out china patterns.
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5. If The Buddha Dated By Charlotte Kasl
Much like the Power of Now, this book will help ease the anxiety you feel when it comes to your pursuit for a partner. The author combines Buddhist, Quaker and Sufi spiritual philosophy to love, which can help quiet your mind from those pesky paranoid thoughts that often cripple our romantic endeavors before they even get started.
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6. Was It Something I Said? By Jess McCann
Because women email me daily asking, What Should I Do Now?, I compiled all the most frequently asked relationship questions into an easy to read Q&A guide. This book will help you handle love's little challenges the right way by giving advice on how to best approach sticky romantic situations. Hook up with him too soon? Text him too much? Want to bring up the relationship talk? You'll find all the appropriate words to say to him right inside.
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7. Happy For No Reason By Marci Shimoff
Most women spend half of their lives learning to be more confident, but the secret to attracting a man is not boosting your self-esteem. It's being happy! Happy women are the most alluring women. This book will teach you ways to create happiness from the inside out, which will not only attract the love you want, but it will also help you maintain it as well. Pick it up and start getting happy.
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8. Love In 90 Days By Diana Kirschner
Although it may not happen in exactly three months, the message of this book is one that will help you drop your "deadly dating patterns" so that love can eventually find it's way to you. Married for over 25 years herself, the author dispels misconceptions most women have about love and relationships, allowing a healthy connection to grow with the man you should be with (although you may not know it yet!)
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9. A New Earth By Eckhart Tolle
Ego is one of love's major obstacles, and this is why I recommend Tolle's second book. Although it is not an easy read, it is one that can be life changing. The author identifies the many faces of ego residing in us all and helps us to awaken to our true authentic self — something I believe is necessary when determining who is right for us. This book is also wonderful for anyone who is currently in a relationship.
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10. The Seven Principles For Making Marriage Work By John M. Gottman
Even if you are not married, this book is a worthy read. You'll be surprised at what the author claims makes most marriages work. Why not learn now before you're knee-deep in diapers and mortgage payments? Turns out the key to maintaining love in a solid relationship is not just lots of communication, but rather abiding by certain principles and exercising them regularly according to Gottman.
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