Sex is one of the most basic human needs and possibly the best thing (next to food) on Maslow's hierarchy. It's also completely capable of going south in a matter of minutes — and not in a good way.
Sometimes there’s an explanation for this awful sex story and other times it just wasn’t meant to be, I guess. Either way, it’s never the preferred route to experience a totally embarrassing or simply all around disappointing epic fail when you’re ready to have sex.
I mean, just think about the amount of time it took to pamper and wax for that moment, only to be sadly mistaken in the events of the evening when things lead to one of the most embarrassing sex stories. Talk about a major let down.
Of course, this tends to happen at the most inconvenient times. Though, I'm sure that there's not a good time for your sex to go down in flames. Anyway, it's happened to the best of us at one point or another.
One moment you’re totally amped up and ready to go, and then what happens? *Crickets*
You get in the mood, you're more than ready for massive explosions but you get sparklers instead. I'm positive of this because once I cried during sex with my FWB. Even though it happened in the dark, it's taken the cake as one of my most embarrassing sex stories. Well, just one of them.
But today is the day you can rejoice over the fact that your epic sex fail could've totally been worse. Why, you ask? Because we have several sex stories, ranging from your typical "it happens" to the more belligerent stories that require a much needed moment of silence and then evoke a major, "What. The. Actual. F*ck" moment.
Feel free to join the conversation by reminiscing about your most embarrassing or awkward romp around moment. If nothing else, it makes for good schadenfreude literotica.
Photo: weheartit
1. I lied about being on my period.
"It was the last day of my cycle and so I did a little test when I went to the bathroom to see if there was any blood. I saw nothing so I thought I was good to go. At first we started in the shower, so I didn't have to tell him I was on my period. But then I got bold and we took things to the bed. I took the condom off and began to go down on him.
Once I stopped and went to the bathroom, there was blood all over my face like I had just eaten a big cherry pie. To make matters worse, when he asked if I was on my period, I continued to lie and told him, 'he went too hard.'"
Photo: weheartit
2. I just couldn't keep an erection.
"With one girl, every time we had sex I went soft like we technically never did it. I would be hard, get in and down goes Frazier."
Photo: weheartit
3. I broke my penis while cheating.
"I was working my night shift in the emergency room when a man came in with a broken penis from anal sex. To make matters worse, he was cheating on his wife.
My co-worker called his wife to inform her that her husband had landed in the E.R. and tipped the woman off to the fact that her husband had broken his penis while doing so. She couldn't tell because of patient confidentiality but she stressed to the wife that she should hound her husband until she gets the truth."
Photo: weheartit
4. She bit my penis while giving me road head.
"About 20 years ago, my friend was taking a road trip with her boyfriend and they got horny. He asked her to go down on him while he was driving. He had to hit the breaks, and when he did, she bit his penis and they had to go to the emergency room."
Photo: weheartit
5. She left mid-coitus.
"We went back to my place and began making love. Right in the middle, she yells 'Stop!', looks at me and says, 'No hard feeling but you're just not the man for me'. Then, she gets up and leaves."
Photo: weheartit
6. She bit my penis out of spite.
"A girl tried to deep throat me, but couldn't (as an, she was bad at it) and bit my penis because she was mad."
Photo: weheartit
7. I put a numbing condom on the wrong way.
"I used 'long-lasting' condoms to try and impress a woman the first time we did the deed. I'm guessing I put it on inside out because it numbed her insides and she freaked out because she could not feel a thing. After some serious begging and a super expensive make-up date she graced me with a second chance, and of course, I only had those dreaded 'long-lasting' condoms.
This time, I put it on the opposite way, but ironically she climaxed in like two mins and I was stuck with a desensitized boner. She didn't want to leave me hanging so after about 20 mins of the most aggressive hand/blow job ever, we realized I was not going to climax and she was drooling uncontrollably because the residue of the numbing agent gave her 'Novocain mouth.'"
Photo: weheartit
8. I had tissue residue on my vagina.
"A guy was going down on me and there were bits of tissue stuck to my vagina. I kept thinking he'd say something but he just kept going and then looked at the tissue weird, each time he got some in his mouth. But in my head, I was horrified and waiting on his reaction."
Photo: weheartit
9. I vomited while riding Cowgirl.
"I was having sex with my ex and we decided we wanted to take a few shots beforehand. I was in the middle of a little Cowgirl action when I covered my mouth and told him to hurry and grab me the trash. Fortunately, I was able to hold back until he got me the trash can."
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