You're Ready He's Not - Giving Your Baby Up For Adoption


It's normal to have cold feet when faced with the pitter-patter of little feet for the first time.

You're pregnant and you are "over the moon" with joy. You've always wanted a baby and, can't wait to be a mom. There's just problem--a rather large one. The man in your life doesn't want to be a dad.

Pulled in opposing directions by the man you love and the baby you want, you have no idea what to do. Before making a rash decision, you really need to think things through.

Talk about it.

The first thing you need to do is talk about the situation. The operative word is "talk"--calmly, rationally, with a willingness to listen. Let your significant other know how you feel and why. What are the barriers to him wanting a child? Is he at all flexible on his position? Until you fully understand his concerns and trepidation, and he understands how important it is to you to have a child, you will not be able to reach any sort of resolution.

"Becoming a Father" points out that "if you feel shocked, panicked, overwhelmed, scared, or like you're just not ready, you're not alone." Many initially feel ill-prepared for fatherhood and need time to come to terms with the idea.

Prepare your finances.

If your partner's concerns are related to money and whether or not you can afford to raise a baby, you will need to sit down together and work out a doable budget. Babies are expensive, so he does have a valid point. But, then again, people do raise happy and healthy children on limited incomes as well.

"The Real Cost of Raising a Baby" addresses many of the expenses associated with having a child and presents practical ways of coping and minimizing costs.

Evaluate your relationship.

Dr. Phil has said it a thousand times--"don't give a child a job before they're even here." If your relationship has hit a bumpy road, having a baby will not fix it. He or she will not draw you closer. They will not motivate your man to finally commit to you. And they will not solve your communication problems. Nor should they. Adding a baby to a problem never solves the problem. It just means that now you have the original problem plus the responsibility of raising a child.

Consider doing it on your own.

You really need to do what you think is best. If you really want this baby, but you give it up to appease your man, will you be able to live with your decision? How will you feel if you give up your child and, sometime down the road, your relationship fails? Before doing anything that you might regret, do some serious soul-searching. Try to imagine how you feel after making each possible choice and find the decision that is right for you.

Examine your alternatives.

If you happen to decide that you are not ready to become a mother, you could look into the possibility of putting your baby up for adoption. "How to Give a Baby Up for Adoption" offers women advice on "how to come up with a positive plan of action" and do what is best for their unborn child.

Remember, it is normal to have "big cold feet" when faced with the "pitter-patter of little feet" for the very first time. You and your partner just need to figure out if your problem is temporary--easily fixed with a wool pair of socks--or if he really isn't ready to be called "Dad."

Do you have a spouse who doesn't want to have children? How have you coped with this impasse?