Why Your Ex Is 'Someone Else's Cat': Purr-ific Breakup Advice

Breakup Recovery: How To Move On From Your Ex

Let it go: He belongs to someone else.

Find your cat:
Since you are already so focused on why he's not your cat, let's go with it. You are going to make three lists right now. Grab some paper and a pen (yes, now!) and get started:

  1. What's wrong with him? Yes, I'm giving you permission to take a moment to totally trash him, bash him, rip him to shreds. Let it out — every possible flaw he has, real or imagined. Unload everything he did wrong and all the things he was incapable of appreciating about you. Pile on the blame and shame. Is this really the cat for you now?
  2. What's wrong with you? Yes, it's time to whine (and sure, to have some wine, if that's your thing). Self-doubt much? Self-sabotage much? Why do you keep picking these losers, crazies, control freaks, insecure freaks or just plain old freaks? How many ways did you contribute to the demise of your relationship? 'Fess up! You're not perfect either, are you? 
  3. What's right with you? Yes, it's true; you're not perfect. But you don't need to be. YOUR cat will love you despite your imperfections. But take some time to indulge in the total yumminess of you. Don't be shy: Lay it all out there. Now is not the time for modesty. Now is the time to shine, so let this list really reflect who you are inside and out. Ask your friends and family what they love best about you. Put the list down and come back to it again and again. You could even make this list a daily practice and write one great thing about yourself every day. 

Now you understand that your ex is not yours. That takes care of getting them out of your head, but what about your heart? What to do about the residual love, the lust, and the lasers coming out of your eyes?

  1. Love is unconditional; relationships are not. You don't need to un-love your ex to let him go. Love him on his way out of your life. Open your heart; don't close it. You really don't want to lock them in there. You have to open up to let him out.
  2. Danger: You're a wild cat in heat! Attraction and chemistry are way fun. They make us feel alive. Don't be afraid of those happy feelings in your body; allow yourself the pleasure. If your ex is hot, he's hot — and it stinks that you're not getting frisky anymore. But guess what? He is not the only person within range that can get your motor running. Take that familiar feeling and test it out on other people. Yeah baby, I said people, plural. Caveat: I also said feelings and thoughts; we're not talking action yet. Start putting your feelers out to see who else makes you purr. You might be surprised by how easy it is to find chemistry. You might also start to realize that chemistry alone doesn't make someone the right one for you.
  3. Let your anger equal energy. Repurpose those destructive lasers coming out of your eyes to your advantage. With their precision, you are now clear on what you want and don't want, who you are and what you have to offer. Your new super laser vision can help you recognize someone else's cat much more easily than before. It can also help you spot your own kitty from a mile away. Take that energy and transform it into something that works for you. Turn the lust around and indulge in your sensuality and sexual expression. Turn the love around and love you. Either your cat will come home, or you will find your own way home.
  4. Hellllooo Kitty! So what did you learn from your ex? You surely learned from the relationship and his presence in your life. Use the painful lessons and happy memories to clarify what you really want. Remember those three lists? Go back to them. For every negative trait you identify in your ex and how you related to each other, turn it around and create a positive intention for your next relationship. If someone else's cat is grey striped, maybe your cat might have red stripes or spots.

Maintain an awareness of the key contributions you made toward the demise of your relationship, including taking home someone else's cat (yikes). Then maximize your assets and focus on shining your light brightly so your kitty can find their way to you, even in the dark. Although you may be scarred from the scratches of the last animal, don't be scared to have an open heart and be vulnerable with the next. Don't confuse your next cat by punishing him for the last one's mistakes.

What qualities do you look for in a new "cat"? Leave a comment below!

Leilla Blackwell is the Relationship Revolutionary. As a Strategic Intervention Life Coach, Leilla specializes in Love & Intimacy, Relationship Constructs for Singles, Marriage Education and Divorce Prevention. She celebrates over 20 years with her husband. Along with their three children, they live an inspired life. Leilla has been helping families since 2005 through public speaking, coaching and teaching. She is skilled at using her wealth of experience, knowledge and training to develop and strengthen the family unit, and inspire others to contribute to the happiness, success and fulfillment of many in their own way.

Love is an adventure! Learn more about Leilla Blackwell and how to inject your life with the POWER of Love www.leillablackwell.com.