Not really dating but want love?

Contributor
Love

kavitajpatel.com

I hope you had a wonderful Thanksgiving break if you live in the States! I had a fantastic time at home and with my family. On the last day I was there we went out to dinner as a family, and during dinner I got to witness some amazing Lovework that my Brother did with my Mom and Dad: he asked my parents if he was a good son. I know! It brings tears to my eyes right now. I want to share the whole story with you because what was revealed for him will help you stop hiding in work and naturally get you attracting in high quality men. My brother and I were talking about his love life and realized that even though he is yearning to meet his match and start his life with this person, he isn’t making room in his life for love. He has taken some small steps that he makes out to be big ones like, “I am online, so I am trying” but then he isn’t following up the way someone would if it was important. And it isn’t because it isn’t important to him. It is because he is feeling a lot of pressure in his life overall. What I mean by pressure is that he is feeling like he should be further along in his business (he took over my dads business not too long ago), make a certain kind of income, and have a body that he loves. All of this pressure isn’t helping him find love, it’s actually causing him either to do nothing or stress out that he isn’t further along. The biggest pressure point that was stopping him from really focusing on love was that he was trying to prove to my mom and dad that he was a good son. How did I know that? I did some digging of course! I asked him, “Who in your life right now do you feel like you are letting down?” He revealed that he felt like he wasn’t meeting my dad’s expectations when it came to the business and that he wasn’t meeting my mom’s expectations for the life he was leading. It was clear he was interpreting that he wasn’t a good son. When I told him that he needed to ask our parents this question he was like, “Well of course they are going to say YES!” I explained that even though he logically knows it, something is missing for him emotionally. It wasn’t allowing him to be in action towards having love in his life. He said, “Okay, whatever you say.” And didn’t ask them until dinner that night. I was honored to witness my Brother get vulnerable teary eyed and say to my mom, “Do you think I am a good son?” Immediately she said, “Of course. The one thing I know without a doubt is that my children are amazing.” There was so much more she said to him too, and there was so much healing, compassion, love and forgiveness that happened in that moment. After that, he asked my Dad the same thing. My dad told him how my mom did everything she could think of to have a son. She regulated my dad’s eating, her eating, she fasted (this is an Indian thing), and figure out what sexual positions were believed to create a son (he didn’t actually say that but alluded to it). Everything she could think of that would bring her a son, she did. I burst out in tears when my Dad said that because I was so grateful to my mom for doing all that and giving me a brother. Essentially, this was my dad’s way of saying you are the BEST SON, and he followed it up by saying those words. After dinner I asked my Brother if he understood why I wanted him to do this. He was like, “Absolutely! I feel like a burden lifted off my shoulders. I feel lighter, and I feel so loved.” I was so proud he had taken in all the love they were giving him. That is a choice, and he chose to let it in. I told him that the lightness that he was feeling was the release of all that pressure. And now that the pressure was released he would have room to be in action in his love life without forcing it. Since then he has been in action in a major way. He is naturally seeing women reaching out online and otherwise. He is now feeling more confident in knowing he can have exactly what he wants in love. I want you to know that I have had these same pressures and had to do the same kind of work to really allow my marriage to survive and keep the man that I love. I am sure this is relevant for so many of you, as well. So, your Lovework is to reply to me over on the blog with the answer to this question: Who in your life right now do you feel like you are letting down? Once you reveal who this is, see if you can boil it down to what you need to hear from your mom, dad, grandparent, sister, and or brother. Then ask those people that question. I would love to hear your answers to this question right now. This is a great way to start discovering what it is for you, especially if you find yourself not taking a lot of consistent action in your love life. In love, Kavita

Author
Contributor