Photo: WeHeartIt
"I'm 110% convinced my inner-being is a flamboyant gay black man."
By Bo Sellers — Written on Mar 14, 2017
[Bo Sellers is a Los Angeles-based comedian, who appeared on Oxygen's My Big Fat Revenge. After realizing that she's gay, Bo now blogs about her journey to find "the Ellen to my Portia."]
The last 12 of my 27 years I've invested a lot of time in dating men—a handful of whom came out of the closet after our relationships ended. Having met most of my boyfriends through theater and dance, my consoling friends always seemed more mystified at my naivety to individual sexuality than the actual coming out of the guy who played the lead in Sleeping Beauty.
Hindsight is always 20/20, but what I've realized is I have the world's worst gaydar.
While I'm 110% convinced my inner-being is a flamboyant gay black man, on the outside I've been blessed with looks that more closely resemble a former pageant contestant or sorority girl. I'm neither of these things, but I did once dress up as Honey 'BO BO' Child for Halloween.
I enjoy makeup, rom-coms and 6-inch d*ck-stabbers. Defined by most as a "lipstick lesbian," I prefer to call myself BOsexual.
I first found myself sexually after admiring a woman, and then another, and then another, and before you knew it, my self-pleasing fantasies had completely phased out men.
Now I find myself totes gay, totes single, and totes lost about how to pick up a chick. I felt I had finally concocted the perfect formula to seduce the male species—but the same skills don't translate to girl world.
If you could receive a degree in dating women, I'm in my freshman year working toward my B.F.A. Like most fine arts, it requires dedication, passion and skill. I'm dedicated to finding passion ... but need to work on honing the skill to achieve it.
I doubt my most recent approach of saying "hi" while aggressively grabbing C-cups is going to land me any "Pick-up Artist of the Year" awards.
Although it's nerve-racking to place myself on the gay-girl market, I'm on a quest to find a lesbian to call my own. Every week, I hit the hottest lesbian nightspots and engage in the occasional Sunday Funday.
Refusing to discount any outlet for finding the girl of my dreams, I've made myself profiles on Match.com, PlentyofFish.com and OkCupid.com.
However, I'd settle for a one-night stand that ended with a courteous goodbye-brunch. I could never sneak out before the sun rises, partly because I don't want to hurt someone's feelings, but mainly because I really love brunch.
There's no telling where I'll end up meeting the Ellen to my Portia, but I'm excited to embark on the journey to happily-ever-after and synced menstrual cycles. Never having to worry about unwanted pregnancy is just an added bonus to being a lezBO.